hole in my bag.

so i called my midwife again about all that fluid i've been telling you guys about... she came up tonight, we tested it and... its amniotic fluid.

so.... expect nola by the end of the weekend.

i'm a little stressed, cause its one thing to just go into labor and it comes on and you have no control, but its a whole other thing to hear 'you will go into labor in the next few days.' .... and just know what's coming.... i know i can do it, but its not fun looking forward in such reality to the worst pain you've ever experienced.

WTF fridays.

inspired by trav av.
he does things like 'case of the mondays' or 'what do you think of wednesdays'

wtf fridays seemed right up my alley.

today i wanna hear something that makes you wanna scream what the f@*#!

i think you all know what mine is.

oh are there circles under my eyes?

seth and i did not sleep last night. he slept a little but not well since he couldn't breathe and arabella was waking up like a crazy person... and i never fell asleep. i had contractions all night that were painful and close enough together that i never had a chance to fall asleep.... this is so ridiculous, its almost been two weeks of contractions EVERY day. mary wants me to try taking calcium/magnesium to try and stop this instead of trying anything to make it progress... so i feel totally defeated and depressed now. i'm just in so much pain, i want this to end, not drag on.. i mean without the contractions i'm in so much pain... and it just makes it so frustrating to clean the house and do the dishes and laundry... i would never dream of not doing that stuff because if i went into labor with a messy house i would have a nervous breakdown... and i can do it, its just hard and painful and SLOW. annoying. anyway i'm spent and i can't believe that i could still have until like november 19th before she comes. how will i even function? i'm seriously in the mood for pitocin/epidural... who cares if my baby is sleepy and can't nurse? ahhahahahahahahha. seriously though.

stress stinks.

aridxx will not work. so first of all i'm still pregnant... but having contractions all day and all night! so they just wake me up all through the night, but nothing happens.... our car wouldn't start last night, its the battery, we got it home but the connection needs to be cleaned and what not, which isn't a big deal, but just right now its stressful. i thought it was stressful that nola's car seat wasn't in yet. now there are no car seats in the car and it wont start..... then the big stressful thing... arabella in the morning. she has been consistently trying to be awake awake at 5am. she'll try to get up at 5, 515, 530, 545 and then we'll finally just wake up at 6... we have tried everything, earlier bedtime, later bedtime, letting her cry, helping her out... and its just hard because seth has a cold now so i feel bad letting him get up cause he needs to get better and its hard for me to get up because one its super painful and two not to gross all of you out, but there's so much stuff coming out of me i have to change me chones anytime i get up at night to pee or help ara.... and even if i dont help ara i'm already getting up a few times. so now i will try the only thing left.... shorter nap time. any mother out there knows how precious that time is, and cutting back on it, especially now when both seth and i are beat and nolas is obviously on her way will be a huge bummer... but since its next to impossible to get either of us up every morning at 5am, i'll just have to suck up the one less hour of naptime... hopefully it will work at least.

on a happier note i have super sweet friends, i'd just like to give them a shot out ahaha.. but seriously, i WILL NOT ask for help... trust me. unless i'm dying, its from seth or i can have him call his mom and ask. the thing is i lived a life where we took hand outs non stop, everyone was always helping us, so i hate not being able to do things for myself now and i dont want to be the needy friend/family member/neighbor/anything. plus i feel like i never NEED help... i mean the one time i felt like it was impossible to live without some help was when i had the flu and literally couldn't lift my head.... all this to say, i wont ask for help cause i can pretty much always handle it, its just not gonna be good or pretty sometimes. i dont know if its useful trying to get me to start, cause i dont know if that will ever change... but we'll see.. ok so back to my great friends... erin lundeen texted me to see how things were and when i told her how i was still in pain so i was laying in bed letting arabella run wild and had had seth bring me pizza and pop tarts that i had no reservations about sharing with ara since all she had been living on was milk and bananas... she secretly called my neighbor erin and told her i needed some help, but probably wasn't going to ask for it.... erin h (my neighbor) called me and said she was coming to get ara for the afternoon. what sweet sweet friends.

i ended up staying in bed/on the couch most of the time and then making myself take a shower cause again, not to gross all of you out (sorry to travis if you read this) but all i could smell around me was cervical fluid and mucous plug. so sick. in the end the shower didn't change that much... but it was better. hahahaha. i love my life.

i'm not even joking.

ask seth.

ok, we have not taught arabella ONE thing about politics or ANYTHING except for barack obama's name. promise. cross our hearts. we dont really talk about it unless she's in bed most times, just cause when she's awake she occupies all of our attention... anyway...
this morning we were watching the today show and john mccain's speech from last night came on and arabella STRAIGHT UP said 'not dis guy' and waved her hand at him in protest. and we said 'what???!' and she said 'john mccainie'. me and seth just looked at each other with wide eyes and i just laughed.... i dont EVEN understand.

i dont even know

how to describe how pissed i am right now. i was in labor last night. i mean, obviously i wasn't but.... i was! it was crazy i was having contractions every 3 minutes right on time, they were about 45 seconds to a minute long and they were more painful than the contractions i had during the first 24 hours or so of labor with arabella!(like flo, if you remember when you came up to help me, they were way worse than that!) i could NOT find one comfortable position and was on the verge of tears... my mucous plug was coming out in between along with blood... and my cervix was in crazy pain.... my midwife came up... and everything stopped. i had contractions through the night that kept waking me up and i've still had some this morning. my mucous plus is continuously coming out and i seriously can barely walk.

evidently my excitement for barack just over took my body for the night.

nola... what the hell? love you, but COME ON! all or nothin babe.

ohhhhh... well that explains it.

if this is hard for you to see.. then click on it and it gets bigger.. anyway i went to see my midwife today because i'm leaking something and we weren't sure if it was amniotic fluid.... we think its just cervical fluid. anyway she checked me and said nola is at 0 station... which you can see is the line where the 0 is. so... that would explain the pain. also my cervix has changed "A LOT" since last week according to mary, which is good... hopefully this really truly will happen soon. i'll keep you posted... haha punisher.