Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
i know
i haven't been blogging like normal.
its just that for the first time, maybe ever...
i have nothing to say and i dont want to talk anymore.
its just that for the first time, maybe ever...
i have nothing to say and i dont want to talk anymore.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i leave for a month
and my favorite thing about atascadero gets destroyed?
i guess there really is no sense in me ever going back now.
i'm devastated.
i guess there really is no sense in me ever going back now.
i'm devastated.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
happy birthday to me..... and arabella?
so... for my birthday weekend brook took me to some gay bars. let me tell you, i have found my place. no bff but me and my robe were quite the hit at one bar and deemed me a nickname and plenty of friends.... then the next day she gave me a kick ass haircut because i've needed one for way too long. then the day of my birthday, yesterday we went to disneyland... it was super cheap because we only had to pay for seth and i was able to use birthday money for it! perfect.
we didnt get to go on a bunch of rides or anything because it was just us and the girls, but i think it was my favorite trip to disneyland ever... and i think you'll see why....
i love how she has no idea what she's about to encounter.
look out disneyland... here comes arabella..
we went STRAIGHT to toontown to meet mickey.
then minnie... which wasn't as big of deal since ara pretty much always likes boys better.. even mickey.
her very first time having cotton candy...
i love the process of deciding whether its good...
YEP, its good.
my most favorite part...
we waited an hour and a half to see princesses..
here's what happened while we waited..
the three that were there were mulan (who freaking cares about her??) sleeping beauty, who checked out seth and had the creepiest eyes we've ever seen..
and
cinderella...
here they were having a very long conversation about arabellas dreams coming true at disneyland.
me and seth were just fighting back tears during this. it was insane. no belle, but i think we were all satisfied with what went on here.
then my tie for favorite event that day...
taking ara on her first ride, which was my favorite ride as a kid.
dumbo.
at the end of it all we told ara she could pick one thing to bring home.
RIGHT when we walked in the store, she chose pluto... we told her we should look around and make sure... we walked and looked and walked and looked... and after all of it...
pluto was the answer.
a girl who knows what she wants. i love it.
it was a beautiful day.
we didnt get to go on a bunch of rides or anything because it was just us and the girls, but i think it was my favorite trip to disneyland ever... and i think you'll see why....
i love how she has no idea what she's about to encounter.
look out disneyland... here comes arabella..
we went STRAIGHT to toontown to meet mickey.
then minnie... which wasn't as big of deal since ara pretty much always likes boys better.. even mickey.
her very first time having cotton candy...
i love the process of deciding whether its good...
YEP, its good.
my most favorite part...
we waited an hour and a half to see princesses..
here's what happened while we waited..
the three that were there were mulan (who freaking cares about her??) sleeping beauty, who checked out seth and had the creepiest eyes we've ever seen..
and
cinderella...
here they were having a very long conversation about arabellas dreams coming true at disneyland.
me and seth were just fighting back tears during this. it was insane. no belle, but i think we were all satisfied with what went on here.
then my tie for favorite event that day...
taking ara on her first ride, which was my favorite ride as a kid.
dumbo.
at the end of it all we told ara she could pick one thing to bring home.
RIGHT when we walked in the store, she chose pluto... we told her we should look around and make sure... we walked and looked and walked and looked... and after all of it...
pluto was the answer.
a girl who knows what she wants. i love it.
it was a beautiful day.
Friday, March 6, 2009
believe me friend
seth is my very best friend.
but that doesn't change the fact that marriage is hard. some days are wonderful and you want to stay in that place forever, some days are shitty and all you want to do is quit and run far far away and most days you are just going through life trying to make everything work and take care of your children. its not glamorous and its not your average lifestyle for early 20s. .. but it is my life.
i dont want to go through the motions of my life and miss out on whats going on, i dont want to run away from my life because it overwhelms me almost every day, and a lot of times i dont want to stay and fight for the life i have created... but really i do want to stay and fight.
i think i got married too young, i got married too fast, i had children too soon after getting married and while i was too young. now a lot of days i feel trapped, trapped in the life i may have wanted someday, but not the life i wanted now. there are things i never realized about myself before i got married, like how i dont think i'm the marrying type. i think because of what i was surrounded by at the age i got married, i thought that was what i was supposed to do... but honestly marriage is very not me. so seth and i are learning to make the marriage we committed to look like us, not like it is all around us in its varying forms. which can be hard, since we are very opposite people. i did not understand what marriage was when i made this commitment, i dont think many people do... its hard to understand something you know nothing about. i am still trying to understand what i believe marriage is and what that means as far as my life with seth. a lot of times i feel like i dont believe in marriage, but i think i do just not what i have been taught that marriage is by other people.
there may only be a handful of things that i think i understand in the bible and one of them is paul saying 'to those who are unmarried, especially to widows: It is good for them to remain like me' because i think in most cases it is hard to focus on other people and being who you are when you need to put most of your time into the person you live your life with (which i am not even sure is his reasoning). on one hand i understand it being harder to be myself while being married and on the other hand i've always felt like seth made me more myself. seth and i go through times that are easy and free, we go through wild times where we fight like drunk men at a bar (sans broken beer bottles) and we go through times like this where we are friends living side by side trying to work together.
through all the happiness we have experienced and all the pain, i know there will be plenty more of each to come, whether we are in one or the other... whether we feel passionate or beige, whether there is romance or friendship.. or both, whether we're fighting or making up, whether we are full of life or worn completely down...
we are friends. best friends.
and i know that seths own words for his friend ring true in my heart for him.
in the end when its all gone believe me friend you wont be there alone.
but that doesn't change the fact that marriage is hard. some days are wonderful and you want to stay in that place forever, some days are shitty and all you want to do is quit and run far far away and most days you are just going through life trying to make everything work and take care of your children. its not glamorous and its not your average lifestyle for early 20s. .. but it is my life.
i dont want to go through the motions of my life and miss out on whats going on, i dont want to run away from my life because it overwhelms me almost every day, and a lot of times i dont want to stay and fight for the life i have created... but really i do want to stay and fight.
i think i got married too young, i got married too fast, i had children too soon after getting married and while i was too young. now a lot of days i feel trapped, trapped in the life i may have wanted someday, but not the life i wanted now. there are things i never realized about myself before i got married, like how i dont think i'm the marrying type. i think because of what i was surrounded by at the age i got married, i thought that was what i was supposed to do... but honestly marriage is very not me. so seth and i are learning to make the marriage we committed to look like us, not like it is all around us in its varying forms. which can be hard, since we are very opposite people. i did not understand what marriage was when i made this commitment, i dont think many people do... its hard to understand something you know nothing about. i am still trying to understand what i believe marriage is and what that means as far as my life with seth. a lot of times i feel like i dont believe in marriage, but i think i do just not what i have been taught that marriage is by other people.
there may only be a handful of things that i think i understand in the bible and one of them is paul saying 'to those who are unmarried, especially to widows: It is good for them to remain like me' because i think in most cases it is hard to focus on other people and being who you are when you need to put most of your time into the person you live your life with (which i am not even sure is his reasoning). on one hand i understand it being harder to be myself while being married and on the other hand i've always felt like seth made me more myself. seth and i go through times that are easy and free, we go through wild times where we fight like drunk men at a bar (sans broken beer bottles) and we go through times like this where we are friends living side by side trying to work together.
through all the happiness we have experienced and all the pain, i know there will be plenty more of each to come, whether we are in one or the other... whether we feel passionate or beige, whether there is romance or friendship.. or both, whether we're fighting or making up, whether we are full of life or worn completely down...
we are friends. best friends.
and i know that seths own words for his friend ring true in my heart for him.
in the end when its all gone believe me friend you wont be there alone.
funabella
evidently she's always trying to make her fingers do things like 'thumbs up' and 'two' and 'pacify nola' in pictures....
dancin with papa and his sweet new highlights
crafts. we never do crafts but this mirror was a gift from my friend amy for aras birthday and it was sooooo fun to do, we might start doing crafts more often. when the stickers were taken off that tummy their memory was kept alive buy a red rash in that exact pattern.
aaaaand her make out sesh with genesis. me and deborah could not stop laughing, as ara could not stop letting genesis lick her entire mouth... she actually got gagged by genesis' tongue a couple times.
dancin with papa and his sweet new highlights
crafts. we never do crafts but this mirror was a gift from my friend amy for aras birthday and it was sooooo fun to do, we might start doing crafts more often. when the stickers were taken off that tummy their memory was kept alive buy a red rash in that exact pattern.
aaaaand her make out sesh with genesis. me and deborah could not stop laughing, as ara could not stop letting genesis lick her entire mouth... she actually got gagged by genesis' tongue a couple times.
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