Tuesday, August 12, 2008

but you're so young

everywhere i go i get these questions/comments.. in this order...

when are you due?
how old is she?
wow, you're having them close
do you want more?

and then when i answer 'no. we are done after this one'

i get one of the following as a response

but you're so young!
are you sure?
you have to have more!

and i just HAVE to ask what is everyones obsession with me having more kids? never once, ever ever ever when someone told me they were done having kids have i ever thought for even a split second about how they should have more... cause why would i care how many kids they have? as long as i only have to have two.

the things that i think people dont understand about me and my decision to have ONLY TWO as they put it is that

one. i DONT like kids. i really honestly can say i kinda hate kids. there is a very very very short list of children i can bare to be around and they dont all consist of those in my family... i like arabella, and i'll like nola... as for their friends, Gods gonna have to work hard on that one.

two. 2 kids seems like an absolutely out of this world outrageous number of children to have for me.... i DO NOT have the patience for more, and i am SURE i will never hold the capacity (as many do) to handle more than two children. i barely have the capacity for one most of the time.

three. i AM selfish. right now i do everything in the world for arabella, but i dont want it to be that way forever and thinking about the fact that seth and i will be able to be alone again as early as our early 40s is the best thought in the world and i would NEVER do anything to jeopardize that. (like have MORE children)

four. i am only one person and my time, energy and love is already completely taken up by arabella, then there is a little bit left for seth and none for me. adding nola is already going to be a huge huge challenge for me, why would i want to spread myself thinner? especially, as a lot of people suggest, once my two kids are older' and i start to finally get time, energy and love to spend on me and seth?

five. i DO NOT believe in having children simply because you "want" them, especially when you already have some. i would feel totally irresponsible getting pregnant because i 'wanted' more when i had all these other reasons i dont think i should have more. so even if someday we 'want' more, we will say 'oh well... we chose this, this is what we have' and it will be enough.

six. i want MY body back. to MYSELF. forever. that will happen in about 18 months and i cant even wait for that day, again something i would never ever jeopardize.

those are just my own personal emotional reasons. seth and i together have a long list of practical reasons why neither of us EVER want more children or ever will have more even if we want them.

so to all those peeps who seem to be so concerned about me having more kids, i'm not. case closed. ... and please dont stress about it, cause no matter how many kids i have... YOU can have as many as YOU want. perfect.


Steph said...

okay, but besides all that, you're sooo young! you HAVE to have more!!!

haha jk.

lucinda! said...

love this post. i dont blame you for feeling this way cause i usually feel this way too. i do have laps in sanity where i think it would be great to be pregnant again. but i KNOW that i dont have the patience for another child. and thats what i tell everybody who asks "i like the idea of more kids but i dont know if i could handle it" and thats the honest truth. and if they dont like it to bad, its my body and my choice. the great thing about it is that noah completely agrees with me.

Sarah Lam said...

omg preach it woman. no seriously...that's EXACTLY how I feel...except I don't think i have it in me to ever have kids. EVER. I am too selfish and I like my body the way it is right now. I have enough body problems to not want to set myself up for 3 months of morning sickness and weird cravings. Plus I just can't stand kids. I don't have enough patience and I am a complete germophobe and it freaks me out to see little kids picking their nose and then holding people's hands. all of my friends give me so much crap about not wanting kids, and i wish they would back off and stop trying to convince me that one day I will.

Beth McDermott said...

(arms out stretched to heaven...) mmmmm hmmm yup. preach it, girl!

Mercy Kidz said...

Thats funny, I get the opposite, People look at me and say, so if its a girl are you done?? I think wow if its a boy I feel really bad for this child right now,a nd for Ezekiel, like the only reason we are having another is becase z wasnt a girl. Wich isnt true, and we dont want anyting in particular, just what God has for us I guess!
But it irritates mew hen people tell me that I must be done if its a girl, ill have my perfect two boys and a girl. Insidently its what iv always wanted and if its a boy we woud be done as much as if it was a girl, becuase we want three, but it just irritates me that people assume, im just hormal I guess!