Wednesday, July 30, 2008

birth sisters.

hahah gross.

but really, i was reading emery's blog and thinking about the bond i have just this past two years come to understand for the first time... the bond between women.

i have never been the type to want to stand up and shout that i am a woman, that i am
strong and i am just one of many (i've always thought it was cheesy)... but when i think about natural childbirth i want to scream it at the top of my lungs. no, i dont feel that way with all childbirth (dont be offended at that, its just the truth. i do not feel that way with all childbirth)....

there truly is this bond and intense closeness i feel with other women who choose natural childbirth and have really understood and come into that power of being a strong woman... a woman who knows, i mean KNOWS, she can do anything in this world because she has accomplished the MOST difficult task that exists.

i feel a bond with flo like i have with no one else, because she held me up when i was at the end of myself.. she knew what i needed cause she had been there and her words are what pushed me through and gave me the strength to push my baby out. she held me up, in a way no one else ever has.

i feel a bond with my midwife because in all my mess and pain she knew i would push that child out and she made the way, and after, when my body was weak she held me up, she took care of me like mother to a child. she held me up, in a way no one else has.

i feel a bond with all the women around me who have a passion to see their children brought into this world in the most peaceful, healthful way possible, who will endure whatever comes their way, who will endure pain that is indescribable, that will endure exhaustion that they never thought existed all for the sake of a child they have never seen...

women who have a passion to see this for more and more women, to see all women experience this life changing moment for the sake of their hearts and the sake of the healing it brings, they hold me up ... we hold each other up.

i feel a bond in a movement to change the face of birthing in this country, to end the criminal and unjust ways that have begun to steal the moment a woman becomes a woman. these woman are my sisters, they are a part of me.

i am a woman. i am strong. i am one of many.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

holla emy jo

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.

Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.

Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.

You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

In love, you hold high standards... for yourself, for your relationship, and for your significant other.

While it's easy for you to impress others, it's hard for you to find someone who impresses you.

At work, you are organized and good at delegating. You understand how to achieve goals.

You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

How you see yourself: Rational, calm, and objective

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Inflexible, controlling, and overbearing


moments from the weekend...

arabella in her umbrella

our recording sesh

riding the trolly in morro bay

and the cutest thing that has ever happened... ara asked seth to play 'nono' at his show on sunday, i had her standing on the edge of the stage with me behind her and as soon as he started playing that song she quickly pried herself from me and walked to where he was and started dancing... she danced the whole time with him and the look on her face was classic, she was dead serious about dancing with her papa.

Monday, July 28, 2008

abc 123 baby you and me

i wont even present my opinion on this one. mostly because i'm pretty sure i wont have to.

we went to abc.
our eyes were met with large buildings and many people as we stepped out of our car that we were very lucky to have been able to park in a reasonably close spot. As we walked up we saw what would later be shown to us as 'downtown'. We walked across the parking lot into the courtyard.. the courtyard was filled with people many tables and chairs (cute patio sets like they have outside of starbucks) and a large fountain in the middle. we saw a cafe on our right. we went inside one building straight ahead of us, i dont know what this building was called, it was not the main sanctuary, it was not a part of the 'downtown'... we dropped ara off. we were taken to the 'downtown' by a friend, to a room where they have separate live worship from the main sanctuary but broadcast the same sermon on a large screen. within the downtown there was the 'boardwalk' which was a junior high room, we didn't look inside, and there was also the 'station' we looked into that one. it is the youth center and seth and i agreed that if we were kids we would DEFINITELY want to go there for 'church', what more could you ask for? a brand new separate place just for them with a cafe of their own 4 flat screen tvs showing surf videos, pool tables, couches and other games.

everything at the church is brand new. granite counter tops, a granite fireplace, two flat screens, nice couches, tables and chairs and stone floors make up the inside of the cafe where you can buy anything from a donut for $.75 to a sandwich for $6.50 and all the lattes you could want in between, not to mention brownies and a whole array of other baked goods. the downtown had a style reminiscent of downtown disney, new, shiny, cool...

the sermon was about world views and while i can't sum up the whole thing, here are some main points that stuck with me were:
vote republican (against abortion and gay marriage anyway)
dont be accepting of what others believe, be very sure to teach this to your children
know that the words spoken today are 'THE truth and everything else is opinion'
gods favorite day is sunday and he gets really excited about it.
accept jesus right now because you dont know whats going to happen when you walk out the door.

seth and i decided we will definitely be going back.

because you know what...

when it all comes down to it isn't the real question why go to starbucks and have to chase around the wee one when every sunday morning we can get the same lattes we love and donuts (or brownies, or scones, or sandwiches etc etc) while enjoying free child care and sitting by a beautiful fountain in a lovely courtyard?
i think even Jesus would agree with that.

show your face! *UPDATED

ok, who is the person that is finding my blog by searching 'skylana mercy church' or 'seth and skylana mercy church' EVERY day?

cause you're kinda creepin me out now. ...

we went to abc yesterday. for all who didn't grow up in atascadero, that stands for atascadero bible church. it was um... an interesting experience to say the least. i will describe it soon. real soon.

*could this face really be the culprit?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

*help for my more dysfunctional comment-ers..

aw... bless your hearts.

i've gotten a few messages from people having trouble posting comments on my blogs here... so i just wanted to let you all know that if you dont have a blogger acount, you can go the bottom of the comment page and click 'anonymous' and then leave a comment and if you want me to know its you, just sign your name :)

hope this helps you.

what an expensive vegetarian you are

i know, who blogs on sunday morning at 7 right? i guess just people who wake up at 6 EVERY morning.

ok, so MANY a time when seth and i have said we are vegetarians people have said that they'd LOVE to be, but its just too expensive... which i'm pretty sure is a cop-out, but if its not... we could never understood how people think its MORE expensive to be a vegetarian. then after a while we realized that maybe people thought if you dont eat meat you have to/should be eating those fake meat things? cause yea, that would get pretty expensive (never mind the fact that if you really wanted to be a vegetarian you would find a way because it would probably mean you had such a big issue with meat you would NOT eat it) aaaaanywho.... beans and rice are usually the main ingredient in any vegetarians diet (that doesn't think its good to sub with soy...) anyway um... last time i checked beans and rice were like THE least expensive thing to buy at the store. especially dry beans. brown rice is a BIT more expensive, but its still like 2 dollars and lasts for like 20 meals.... um. hello!?!? (not to mention the whole complete protein you get from that, that you DONT get from meat) i think that's cheaper than the 'cheaper chicken' dont you? so yea i was thinking about all this because FINALLY someone agrees with us... msn posted this article about eating for under $100 a week and one of the very first suggestions was LESS MEAT, MORE BEANS!! wooo hoooo. i feel so vindicated. even if it is just msn.... and even if half the stuff on their list i wouldn't buy... at least they're getting the point across that us eating no meat and eating beans instead is not more excessive or expensive than meat. ha. gotcha! plus i would like to say that if meat became cheaper than beans and rice.... wouldn't that be the scariest meat to eat?

vote veggie.

Friday, July 25, 2008

aqua class.

so i used to go to an aqua class at the gym a lot but lately every time i go to the gym i just run cause me and seth have been going together which means we go earlier than the class... anyway i went today and i had forgotten just how much i love it.

besides the AMAZING instructor, who is a 55-60 year old lady named jolene with short spiky blonde hair who wears a pink cheetah one piece with running shorts on the bottom and who says things like 'strong arms' and 'fast feet', the workout is THE BEST for being pregnant, its the only thing i can do that seriously WORKS my abs yet wont put them in danger of getting too separated or staying that way. plus the little older ladies in the class with me are super precious... they make me feel awesome cause they kept saying things like 'you look healthy!' or 'you looked so cute working out in there with that baby' ... there were two things that happened that i especially loved, one was while we were still in the pool .. everyone thought jolene was working us extra hard today and kept talking about it then all of a sudden a lady who i would assume is about 75 turned to me and said 'i think she's back on the juice!' which i of course would associate with steroids, but still am not sure if that was what she meant.... awesome. then i went upstairs to stretch for like 20 minutes cause it was a super intense workout and one of the men came up to the locker room while i was stretching saw me and said 'you must really love working out!' .... like me stretching was an extra work out after the class... they make me feel so good like i'm the hardest working prego ever and that i look super cute doing it... ahhaa... so fun. oh and the icing on the cake is that the music she plays at the indoor class is oldies (my fave.. hahaha) but they've all been turned into dance music!

you should all look for an aqua class near you and try it out. its the best.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

the pooper

i love this one... lately she's real into 'relaxin' just kicking up her feet wherever she is and leanin back.

'arm bands' she is OBSESSED with putting my hair ties on her arms and pulling them waaaaay up, and then wearing them everywhere. super cute.

princesses... all in a row.

'that's rich' i am obsessed with this one.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

25 or 26 weeks?

i know shady lookin pics.... and dorky lookin lady but what can ya do?

on the lighter side of life...

i miss zumba. what is zumba you say?

well its only the BEST early 90's style latin jazzercise salsa dance workout video you've never seen!!!!!

i used to zumba every day and then i lost the dvd.... and woops 4 years went by and i haven't zumba'd since. then lucky for me we got rid of cable, and i started up with my infomercial watching as many of you know, and low and behold what came on? an infomercial for a NEW ZUMBA!!!!! oh how i missed beto, his smoldering abs and sexy accent, there is nothing quite like the sexual tension often displayed between a couple of the back round workout girls as they compete for his attention.

anyway i really wanna get these dvd's again, but they're $30 and right we got NO cash... so i'm waiting it out. but as soon as i have an extra $30 that's where i'm headed. i really want to get them while i'm still pregnant. and i cant WAIT to use them when i'm FINISHED being pregnant.

you asked...

and i'm sure more of you will so i'm posting this so that i dont have to write it a million times....

these are my tips on how to start eating healthier...

i listed that one website which is super awesome just cause it tells you how those foods work with your body... as far as shopping, i shop a lot at trader joes, but i shop at the normal store too, the most important thing isn't always organic... there are lists of foods that show what is most important to buy organic based on the amount of pesticides used... here's a website for that.

no matter what its really important to wash all the veggies and fruit you eat especially with all the salmonella and crap going around.... if the veggie hasn't been cut and infected inside you can still wash the salmonella off, they say e.coli can't be washed off... but you're still getting the pesticides off... i use veggie wash you can find here.
its all natural stuff but it gets of pesticides (or most) and wax and all...

as far as like pasta its not as important to get organic as it is to get whole grain, it has to be 100% whole grain... like whole wheat, spelt, etc or there is a brand called barilla plus (make sure is the PLUS) that is good cause its high protein pasta and is made with beans and egg whites, it doesn't even taste like it though! rice is important to get organic... mostly if you are buying something that comes in a package READ THE INGREDIENTS! seriously.. i think usually people dont really read stuff... like even your bread... most bread has high fructose corn syrup in it! insane.... the BEST bread you can find is ezekiel bread, its a complete protein which means its a protein that contains all of the essential amino acids for the dietary needs of humans or other animals. just in the bread! plus it doesn't have sugar in it, if you do get sweetened bread, its best to get it sweetened with honey, cause if they use sugar its refined. (also a lot of people dont know that brown sugar is the WORST sugar, its just white refined sugar with molasses added, the best is sucanat and the next best is turbanado aka sugar in the raw)

if the ingredients have stuff in it like what i listed on the other blog, not good... if it has things in it you can't pronounce, probably not good... stick to ingredients you can understand and you know what they are... then you know what's going in your body. it seems expensive to buy food like this at first but honestly you end up eating less cause you're not eating all that high fructose corn syrup that's making you feel more hungry. eating beans and brown rice is also a complete protein.... i dont buy meat cause we're vegetarians but you can get free range eggs and organic meat also organic milk (which means no hormones or antibiotics) at trader joes for pretty cheap.... if you dont have a trader joes where you live it might be more expensive but its totally worth it in the end.... check out places that are geared towards health food cause usually the basics like organic eggs and meat at those places are cheaper than the grocery store... as far as butter, dont replace it with something that is full of chemicals.... just use the butter! and dont over use it... when cooking its better to use a bit of olive oil (the best is macadamia nut oil)

if you have to stay away from dairy trader joes also carries a pretty good butter alternative that doesn't have hydrogenated oils in it... called earth balance, i'm sure you can get it at health food stores too and maybe even regular stores...
the only down side to this is the canola oil and more soy which is up for debate on whether it is good for you....

when it comes to what you drink, just stick to water and some milk if you feel you need it... i NEVER drink soda or anything besides water some soy milk (but very little) and 100% real juice, but even then its always 80% water mixed with 20% juice cause its just too much sugar and it tastes too sweet for me (which was an acquired taste... i used to be ADDICTED to dr. pepper) oh i drink tea sometimes.

anyway that's what i got, also check out this info on pesticide spray...
check out that entire blog too, its my friend and her sisters and its always got good info on how to live healthier!

hope this helps everyone... and as always if you have any questions feel free to comment on here or ask me at

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

clean clear and under control

so there's some rumors going around out there that i like to offend people, that maybe i get a little rush from it..... and whether you choose to believe me or not doesn't matter but this is surely NOT true. (there aren't really 'rumors' so don't get toooooo upset)

there are things that i feel passionate about, things that i think are important and i choose to express these things by writing, i do like when people start talking about it whether its good or bad because at least its being talked about and that's always the start of some sort of change. i don't care if people agree with me or not but if we can at least get attention to important issues, even if it seems like bad attention, to me that's better than acting like its not an issue. In these scenarios opinions are always heard on either side whether they're liked or not and whether its easy to understand or not and that's what really matters.... that we're hearing each other.

so half of my writing is simply that, i think these things are important, i have an opinion and i choose to always express my opinion because that's who i am. the other half is venting.... sometimes things just make me mad... and i want to write it down to get it out... that's why most of the time things aren't said super nice or eloquently, but my mission isn't to be the sweetest most eloquent person, my mission is to be who i am and express what i feel in all honesty within my heart. i never feel like i betray that and above all that's what matters to me.

so yea i dont like when people get offended but i know its bound to happen... i mean anything can offend people, no matter where you stand you're opposite of another person and some people choose to let opposite opinions offend them... i honestly truly just say what im thinking and what makes sense to me, you all can take it or leave it, but i do hope for conversation always because once we stop talking we've lost it.

i'll tell you all what i just text my friend matt (wow. dork, i know) i don't like 'arguing' i LOVE discussing things, a lot of times i write back to people who seem to want to just argue because it does get annoying to be misunderstood when you don't feel like what you're saying is crazy.... which i get at this point is hard for people to believe, that i really don't think the things i say are wild, but i just don't... that's how my mind works.

oh my gosh, also i'm watching like America's most talented something... or whatever it is with Sharon Osborne and there is a ventriloquist named terry page! LOVES IT.

i can't believe what i'm watching. *UPDATED

of course its tyra, which is always idiotic and unbelievable but i'm pretty sure a lot of people hold the same opinion as the girl i am annoyed at.....

its a 'social experiment' (but when tyra does this they are never fair experiments) anyway she took an obese girl who was 350lbs and they called this other girl a skinny bitch, but she looked like a normal weight to me, bigger than me when i'm not pregnant but not chubby at all.... the obese girl has a facebook that's all about hating 'skinny bitches' and the skinny girl has a facebook about people NOT discriminating against skinny people saying they're anorexic all the time... anyway the overweight lady was sooooooo angry and soooooo bitter towards skinny people, and the skinny girl said she doesn't dislike overweight people she just doesn't think its healthy... and then that's when it started.... EVERYONE freaking out saying its so mean of her to call being obese unhealthy!!!!!!!!!!! ahhh are you joking me? this isn't her opinion, this is fact. it is unhealthy to be obese. this lady was just arguing that even though she is obese she is healthy... doesn't she understand that when you are overweight whether you have medical problems yet or not you are at a way higher risk for them simply because of being overweight?!??! that's UNHEALTHY! its so annoying that people can get mad about someone saying its unhealthy to be overweight, she didn't say it was ugly or anything in fact she said 'i think you are a confident woman and you are a beautiful person, i just would worry that you are unhealthy.' how is that mean? anyway so tyra had them sort of trade places for a day and they had to eat each others diet and the skinny girls breakfast was whole wheat toast and a good portion of nuts, and all organic... the overweight girls breakfast was canned peaches, cereal and donuts! i don't know, this just blows my mind.... do people really live this much in denial that they convince themselves that food that holds no nutrition is still healthy to eat? most people who are thin (not all i know) but most have to eat healthy or not a ton and have to work out to be that way, i get that its harder for some people but that doesn't mean they are healthy when they don't try.... it just chaps my ass. i think people should be treated with respect no matter what size but i don't think its good AT ALL that tyra is promoting women being in denial about the important health risks that automatically come with being overweight. its annoying because tyra is always saying that be discriminated against as a skinny person isn't as bad as being discriminated against as an overweight person, but its the same... its discrimination.. hello.... people saying you are anorexic or saying you look gross because they can see your ribs (especially when thats naturally the way your body mine used to be) is just as mean as someone saying you're ugly or something cause you're fat... the difference to me was that when you are overweight, as millions and millions of people prove every day... you can change it (it may be freaking hard) but you can (joy fit club yeaya) and, sometimes when you are sooo thin and your body is just like that you can drink ensure which is like 350 calories for 5oz and still NOT gain weight. i used to eat INSANELY, like share a basket of chicken tenders with Carissa and then eat 2 hot dogs for lunch, or a personal pizza a pack of donuts and chocolate milk and NEVER gain weight... so if people said i was anorexic it was like 'um... are you serious!?!?!' plus i feel like a lot of people who are overweight aren't doing all they can to lose it.... I'm sure people will take offense to that but i don't think people are truly trying to lose it unless they are eating ALL whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies, meat and milk that doesn't have hormones in it, not eating refined sugar or limiting it severely, exercising 3 to 5 times a week (probably five cause that's how much i even have to work out to keep weight off), and eating an appropriate amount of calories, not eating a ton... thats what i have to do to keep weight off and its always been easy for me, so if its not easy for someone else if they are really trying they're going to surely have to work harder and that sucks, but for some reason that's just the way it is.... anyway i feel like if people want to stay overweight and they are confident that way its fine, who cares, but at least dont act like its healthy or like you're doing everything you can to get the weight off.

thank God for Oprah cause at least she is inspiring people and teaching people how to change it and how to become healthy and what healthy is! instead of just making excuses and wanting women to live in denial.

* i'm adding this because people for some reason seem to think i'm 'making up' that these foods are healthy.....

none of the things i said were healthy are up for debate.... meat without hormones or antibiotics, whole grains, fruits veggies, not much refined sugar.. these are called 'whole foods' because they are complete, they are natural, they are nutritious without being harmful... other things are up for debate because processing changes them... we know that some ingredients like high fructose corn syrup makes the sensors in your brain that tell you you are full dulled, so you eat more than you need... we know that white flour, sugar and rice add calories and weight but do not have nutrients in them, whole grains are the original forms of these things that have not been processed, they still contain nutrients so you are getting something out of them instead of feeling full without getting the vitamins and minerals needed... this is not my opinion, talk to a nutritionist. studies have shown that people who eat whole grains have less belly fat because it metabolizes differently, we know that belly fat is more harmful for us than any other fat on our bodies because it strains our organs the most....

i do think this is an important issue because a lot of people are in denial in this country about what healthy is.... we are bombarded with media telling us that the ingredients in mcdonalds is healthy for God sake! and some people believe that!.... but the ingredients dont matter when they are processed, have antibiotics, hormones, salt, and are deep fried.... because then they have become more harmful than helpful.... i get that there are things i regard as healthy but are up for debate (like soy) which i am constantly looking into because i want to only put what is nutritious and beneficial for me into my body... not because i want to be strict but because i want to feel good inside, i want to be here for a long time for my children and grandchildren, i want to take care of my body to the best of my ability i believe that is my responsibility.... after a while when you cut those things that are unhealthy out you start to not even want them.... and then if one day you do and you eat it it doesnt matter as much because your body is strong and healthy and most the time when i do do that i dont like it anymore....

the thing about eating healthy too is that you dont always see the affects right away or you do but you dont realize that's what its from, a lot of people are allergic to dairy and dont even know it, then they stop eating it and things they didn't know were because of dairy just go away.... and kids... their moods change with what they eat, how often they get sick changes with what they eat, as it does with adults... i know genetics play a big part in some peoples weight issues and everyones health issues, but we have learned that a lot of that CAN be overcome with the way we take care of ourselves.. that's whats soooo amazing about it! anyway i dont want to be harsh or hurt peoples feelings, but more than that i want to express my opinion and what matters to me....

i hope you all see more of what i mean and understand that i was not 'making up' what is healthy, that would be like if i said 'cigarettes are bad for you' and someone said 'you can't just say that cigarettes are bad for you because its your opinion' we know they are bad for you.... just like we know that things like high fructose corn syrup is, like partially hydrogenated oils are, like refined sugar is, like parabens are, modified corn starch, hormones, antibiotics.... we know they are not good for us, but they are still in so much of the food at the store.... look up the affects of those things, then look up the affects of the food i mentioned.. you will see what i mean. maybe check out this website its amazing to see how healing fresh foods can be, that the food that comes from the earth is perfect and has all we need in it just the way it is... if anything shows me God, that is definitely something that does. (that website is cool cause it is non profit website and doesn't have commercial influence... its just the facts we know about what certain foods do... its so cool to see what diseases certain veggies help prevent etc... )

apple bots.

seth wrote this blog about how arabella came up with apple bots... but he never said what it means to her... and i wanted everyone to know... so anyway apple bots means apple sauce. there. i'm glad i got that out... check out his cool blog about it too.

Monday, July 21, 2008

bye bye urine.

i've been meaning to write on here that i started using method but with the scent for the cloth diapers and its made the urine smell go away, i'm not that into scents but its only on her diapers, its not very fragrant and it still doesnt have crazy stuff in it... also on my washer its super awesome cause it has a 'soak' button and it soaks the load for like half an hour between washing and rinsing or something, so i put it on hot, heavy duty and soak and they get super clean.

also i thought this was funny but lately when ara spills water or something we've been making her clean it up and its suuuuuuper cute, i started doing it because shes always getting towels and 'cleaning' with me (which i love being able to do since its just vinegar and water) anyway its pretty cute to see her wiping up her spill.

word to your mother. *UPDATED

i realized i have not written this down so i am now because this is the last time i'll be able to keep track of what she says, she's one step away from sayin it all....

arabellas vocab:

bye bye
hot dog
beck (becky)
set (seth)
mack (mackie)
mock (mickey mouse)
lolo (logan)
eyelis (eyelash)
nana (nawna... for grandma julie)
paki (grandpa)
fow (flower)
beed (bread)
foo (food)
wok (work)
wat (water)
outch (out)
ot (off)
buck (buckle)
bankie (blanket)
pio (pillow)
all done
all gone
ba (ball)
nana (banana)
tuck (cup)
taw (straw)
abee (arabella)
way (away)
amee (amelie)
si (sit)
yog (yogurt)
um... sounds like 'hot cheese' (cottage cheese)
choc (chocolate)
bow (bow or bowl)
uh oh
fye (fire) thats usually when talking about a firetruck
tick (truck)
jay (jason)
lee (lady)
sly (slide)
kiki (kitty)
gine (vagina)
boo (booty)
k (always answers k instead of yes)
side (outside)
nigh nigh (night night)
shh (with her finger over her mouth)
foe (flo)
pease (please)
fwen (friend)
shwee (swing)

*i forgot to put ka for karl! duhh... and e for erin... also she says boy and gir for boys and girls and when we're out she distinguishes between the two. ... i just wonder what happens when an androgynous person shows up. awkward. she likes to use gir when she does something she's proud of she says 'goo gir' (good girl)

oh and i forgot that she says froggie but it sounds just like 'fuckie' aaaawesome.

shes started making lots of 'sentences' the past month or so... like 'buck outch pease papa' that's if she wants the buckle undone or 'uh oh bowl, pease mama' if she drops her bowl and wants me to get it.... i didn't realize how much she knew until i started writing it all down.... i'm glad that big ol head is being used ;)

and just now when we were at starbucks she said 'eat duck' and i was like uhh... 'eat duck?, we dont eat duck' and then she was like 'papa eat duck' and seth was like 'you want the duckies to eat?' and she said 'k' i had forgotten that we just took her to feed the ducks so then she was saying 'papa duck eat, matt duck eat, ma duck eat' and i said 'you want all of us to feed the duckies' and she was like 'k, k ' . close call.

Friday, July 18, 2008


so one thing i wanted to write is that i made some whole wheat pasta last night and i concocted a sauce of garbanzo beans pureed with summer squash, olive oil, garlic, mrs dash, basil, lemon juice and tiny bit of salt.. it was really good and i love it cause one of ara's favorite foods is pasta.. but i dont like her eating it a lot since there's not much substance to it.. so it felt good that there was beans and summer squash... anyway also i just thought this was really funny but i was looking at what people have searched for and in result come to my blog and here's the funniest ones....

'jesse and skylana roberts' um awkward.....
'terry denise page mercy church' haha
'mercy church seth skylana' even better
'sean askins' which is weird cause i've never written about him, but i know him...
'dr oz poop talk' yep i'm sure i've discussed that
'pregnant blogspot' is my blog pregnant?
'i think i puked in my mouth.' i love that that would lead to me.
'is it ok to have 5 cigarettes during first trimester' because... are you really asking that question?


so i've told a lot of ladies about this, and i thought i should put it on a blog so that more of you can look into it... it seems like a dream come true... i've read about it a lot and NO its not what we were using when i got pregnant with nola... but its what i'm planning on using along side seth vasectomy after this pregnancy until i can get my tubes tied... anyway check out the lady comp. i've heard of natural family planning but i know for myself i wouldn't keep up in my mind and i wouldn't write it down everyday... it just seems like too much thinking, which has gotten worse for me since i got pregnant with arabella haha... anyway i love this because all you have to do is take your temp every morning and a light tells you what's going on with your cycle. plus it remembers things for months and months for you so if you miss a day you're fine... anyway check it out, read the FAQ....

Thursday, July 17, 2008

this is a biggie... so dont feel uncomfortable about it.

cause i warned you.

so i think everyone pretty much knows about my totally irrational fear of throw up. i've had it for a very very very long time and its not just like, i get scared when people throw up, its like i feel desperately lonely just knowing that someone i know threw up. i can't sleep all night and usually i get anxiety so bad i just poop like every 15 minutes haaa sick. whenever seth says he feels sick i drop in my heart so low i dont even know what to do with myself. i want to just care for him, but i'm so lonely and afraid and full of anxiety i can't even take care of him. anyway i've wondered my whole life why this affected me so much... and no one i have ever known has really truly understood how deep it is.. except maybe flo cause she has had other things like that....

for some reason i finally remembered why i thought i felt this way, then i asked my mom if that was the way she remembered it and she thought so.....

the night i got molested i had stayed in someone else's room as this house we lived at, after it happened, naturally i wanted to go sleep with my mom... so i went to her room and she took me to the bathroom then we went to bed, i awoke abruptly a while later to her running to the bathroom... i ran after her only to find her throwing up in the toilet... i even remember what it looked like.

this would explain not only why i get anxiety when people throw up, but why it affects me so much more at night and why i feel so lonely. because when i needed my mom to comfort me, she couldn't, it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't. so i guess now when someone throws up, especially seth, who is now in that caring position i feel like i have nothing to hold me up and i feel alone and scared.

i can remember throwing up 2 times before that age and i can remember seeing my step sister throw up before that age but when i remember those there's no anxiety and i dont remember feeling afraid, i just thought it was weird.... every memory where i threw up or someone else did after that experience i remember that feeling.

so now i know where it comes from, but how do i fix that place?

sorry to be so deep. i'm writing this on here because hopefully it can help someone else who has deep fears, or who was molested... and hopefully getting it out will help me... hopefully someone will have something to say to me that will change something. we will see.

how honest can i possibly be? gosh.


i wrote my dream from the other night on the avilas blog because he asked about weird dreams... and then i started thinking about that dream and the whole night....

so i have had intense dreams my whole life, crazy dreams, vivid dreams, dreams that later come true, dreams that scare the hell out of me, dreams about my dad that are so real... i had a time in my life where i had such terrifying dreams about demons and dead people, i would wake up and i would still see them. the only thing that would make them go away was praying and asking jesus to take them away. it freaks me out sometimes because i dont understand how my mind comes up with some of these things, i mean i know i see things on tv and all, but my dreams are so real and weird sometimes... anyway, for example i had a dream a while ago that i was a child and i was with my friends and we had accidently killed our friend, we were so scared we decided the best way to hide her was to cut her up and put her in bags and hide them.... (i didn't see us do that, i just knew thats what we had done) we were taking the bags out of a dresser and i was holding one and i felt the body parts in my hand, so real... i woke up and was so scared and felt like the most horrible person in the world.. i just kept telling seth 'that's not me, that's not me, i would never dream that, i would never think that, i would never do that' .... anyway i know my dreams are influenced by things i watch, but i hadn't watched anything about anything like that... i dont normally ever watch scary things, ever. .... so anyway, the other night i watched reaper, which is supposed to be a funny show, and it is... and normally its not scary to me either but in this episode the guy had to catch a soul (i know soooo cheesy) that was a seriel killer before it died and it showed the dead people and all... i stopped watching half way through cause i knew i wasn't going to be able to sleep. i was up most of the night worrying about someone breaking into our house, which is kind of unreasonable anyway since we live upstairs, they'd be more likely to go for the easy break in downstairs... ok so then i finally fell asleep for a bit and i dreamed that this lady called me and said she was going to kill me that wednesday night, i knew her voice.. she reminded me of those old dreams i would have of dead people and of demons. we had heard about this happening and she would take a man with her and while she confused the people he would come out of nowhere and kill them... we prepared our house for three days so that no one could break in, we bought a gun and i just kept telling seth i loved him and i didn't want to die... that night the man came and was on our balcony, we called 911 and i started to get he gun... he came in and i went to shoot him, when i went to shoot him it was like i had come out of my body and lived someone else's whole life and at the end hundreds of books flashed in front of me, all the books this other person had read.... i didn't really understand why that was happening and it doesnt seem like a scary dream, but i woke up in so much fear and i just wanted to pray but i didn't know what to pray or who to pray to... and i felt like i heard that same lady's voice in my heart or mind or something saying 'why dont you pray to jesus? can he make us go away? will it work?' and i just felt like i didn't know, and i didn't know what else to do.. the only way my dreams and fears have left before have been because i pray to jesus, so i prayed.. i just said 'god i dont know if jesus is real, i dont know if that's you, but i'm afraid and this wont go away, somehow please come and make it all go away' and it did. i dont know what any of that means, was i thinking this all myself? did God really make it go away? or was i just having a war between me and myself in my head... all my fears have been so much better the past year, most have gone completely. i dont want those fears to make their way back into my life, but i dont know what truth is the kind of truth that will keep them out of my mind. if that makes any sense. i've always combated my fear with prayer, prayer to jesus.. but without that what do i do? is there another way? i think there is, i just dont know.

Monday, July 14, 2008


the following is an excerpt from my friends blog, you can read the rest here, and please do...

"What facts do I wish I were armed with?
Let's start with the fact that I didn't have the true facts.
The risks associated with the medicines in epidurals have been completely minimized by most health care providers, and women have been flat out told that the drugs DON'T cross the placenta.

I won't share the thousands of anecdotal stories of sleepy babies born under the use of these drugs, or the recorded stories of maternal injury and death resulting from the use of these drugs, OR the cascade of interventions that can occur after using these drugs. I'm just going to post a few startling statements from the FDA itself.

First off, 2 medications are given simultaneously via the epidural.
One medication is a local anesthetic, and one is an opioid.

Common local anesthethics include lidocaine (Xylocaine), ropivicaine (Naropin) or bupivicaine.
One of these is used in combination with an opioid such as Fentanyl.

Here are a few official statements regarding the use of Fentanyl, Bupivacaine, and Naropin (emphasis mine):

(pregnancy class C)

Local anesthetics rapidly cross the placenta, and when used for epidural, caudal, or pudendal block anesthesia, can cause varying degrees of maternal, fetal, and neonatal toxicity. (See Pharmacokinetics in CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY.) The incidence and degree of toxicity depend upon the procedure performed, the type, and amount of drug used, and the technique of drug administration. Adverse reactions in the parturient, fetus, and neonate involve alterations of the central nervous system, peripheral vascular tone, and cardiac function.
Maternal hypotension has resulted from regional anesthesia. Local anesthetics produce vasodilation by blocking sympathetic nerves. Elevating the patient’s legs and positioning her on her left side will help prevent decreases in blood pressure. The fetal heart rate also should be monitored continuously and electronic fetal monitoring is highly advisable.
Epidural, caudal, or pudendal anesthesia may alter the forces of parturition through changes in uterine contractility or maternal expulsive efforts. Epidural anesthesia has been reported to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the parturient’s reflex urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. The use of obstetrical anesthesia may increase the need for forceps assistance.
The use of some local anesthetic drug products during labor and delivery may be followed by diminished muscle strength and tone for the first day or two of life. This has not been reported with Bupivacaine.
It is extremely important to avoid aortocaval compression by the gravid uterus during administration of regional block to parturients. To do this, the patient must be maintained in the left lateral decubitus position or a blanket roll or sandbag may be placed beneath the right hip and gravid uterus displaced to the left.

(pregnancy class B)

Local anesthetics, including ropivacaine, rapidly cross the placenta, and when used for epidural block can cause varying degrees of maternal, fetal and neonatal toxicity (see CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY and PHARMACOKINETICS). The incidence and degree of toxicity depend upon the procedure performed, the type and amount of drug used, and the technique of drug administration.
Adverse reactions in the parturient, fetus and neonate involve alterations of the central nervous system, peripheral vascular tone and cardiac function.
Maternal hypotension has resulted from regional anesthesia with Naropin for obstetrical pain relief.
Local anesthetics produce vasodilation by blocking sympathetic nerves. Elevating the patient's legs and positioning her on her left side will help prevent decreases in blood pressure. The fetal heart rate also should be monitored continuously, and electronic fetal monitoring is highly advisable.
Epidural anesthesia has been reported to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the patient's reflex urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. Spontaneous vertex delivery occurred more frequently in patients receiving Naropin than in those receiving bupivacaine.

(pregnancy class C)

Fentanyl readily passes across the placenta to the fetus; therefore, Fentanyl transdermal system is not recommended for analgesia during labor and delivery."

Friday, July 11, 2008

crazy little lady

this is her identifying her favorite songs... sorry for my bad singing.
1 is 'nono' or as we know it Face, by seth
2 is 'hot dog' by they might be giants
3 is 'elmo' from elmo's world on sesame street
4 is 'jojo' from feeling good with jojo

while i wait for this video to upload i'll tell you some other cute things she's been doing...
one that is half cute half bossy, but i can only blame myself for it... when she doesn't want to be touched, which is a lot, she moves my hand and says 'touch, touch' until its in a completely neutral place. haha

she is IN LOVE with nola... she always comes up and pulls up my shirt and kisses my tummy and says 'hello baby' and then talks or just cuddles and then says 'bye bye baby' and today she was looking at this book and it had a dog in it... she stopped on the dog page and said 'doggie, baby, hi' she then walked over to me sat down lifted my shirt put the book up to my tummy and said 'hi, hi' and i said 'you want the doggie to say hi to baby?' and she nodded and said 'k, k' which is always her way of saying yes.

these two videos are her copying seth singing face... she had been doing it for about 5 minutes straight at this point, so as i always do... i caught her at the tail end... but i'm sure sometime we'll get a clearer one.

mom life crisis

i am having a mom life crisis. i'm just feeling a little crazy about the fact that all i have to do is be mom/wife... i mean i love those things, but i dont like waking up every morning and not even having something to do (i mean besides laundry, dishes, cleaning and feeding arabella)... its nice sometimes, but after a while it gets boring. i feel like my days have no purpose. it feels like when you quit a job that you dont like and then you still have two weeks left and you are just dreading everyday of that two weeks you have left... you know, you just have to get through them. that's how i feel about just staying home with arabella all the time. i love her so much and she's so funny and sweet and great... it has nothing to do with her.... its just me, i'm not the kind to stay home and do nothing every single day. i want to interact with people, but i want to do it without her there sometimes. seth and i went to farmers last night and i feel like every person i ran into i just talked there head off because i never get out, so as soon as i did i just had an outburst. its not like i wanna just go hang out with people either, i want to have something to do, i mean obviously a job... i loved loved loved working at starbucks... i love that kind of job, where you just do a mindless task but you get to interact with people all day long. but right now obviously i can't get a job like that during the day, and working at night would just make the fact that seth and i dont have a lot of time together worse, plus people dont usually hire 5 month pregnant people. i'm having seth finally print out my business cards and i'm going to just start out giving them to people and scheduling consultations, i can do those during ara's nap or on saturdays and then i'll just go from there. we'll see. i just can't live like this all the time. i need my life back.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

arabellas musical interests.

so arabella has always had a weird interest in music.. but lately its a bit over board. only she can pick what should be on the radio in the car, and she is very picky. its weird because its not like she picks based on stuff she's heard before either... just if i 'scan' the radio she will shake her head and plug her ears to some stuff... so far that stuff has been:
mexican stations
sheryl crowe
even some of seths songs.. yikes.

and she will ask for other songs to stay on or she will ask for them 'gain' (again) those consist of:
lyle lovett
alison krauss
micheal buble
jazz on npr
some hip hop
some of seth's songs... really 3 of them.

and she loves listening to music loud, thank God. my brother always hated loud anything and it drove me nuts.. i dont know what i would have done if she was the sensitive to loud things kind....

also we went to the childrens museum today.. here are some pictures...

and earlier while we were eating thai food (our favorite ironically since it is probably the LEAST healthy food you can get... pad thai and spring rolls?? what a crazy) i asked her to make a cute face for a picture for seth and this is what came out....

infomercial junkie.

husbands get ready because this blog will probably make your wife want to make a infomercial purchase asap.

i LOVE infomercials. i mean LOVE, i will spend my free hours on a saturday just watching an infomercial repeat itself, all while truly believing what they show me and getting annoyed at seth for making comments about how its not real.

a couple saturdays ago we watched one about the H20 mop....

and i HAD to buy it.

so i got it last night and it came with the portable steam cleaner...

i dont usually keep up on my cleaning so much while seth is gone, i keep the house tidy but i dont scrub. so needless to say my kitchen was greasy... i didn't take before pictures, which i am kicking myself for now... but here are the afters....

and the best part was, i seriously didn't have to scrub ONCE. you spray it with steam and then take a towl and literally just wipe it out... sooooooooooo easy! plus the mop itself gets my floors cleaner than they've ever been and you dont have to have a big mop bucket or any gross water to dump... you just put a bit of water in the mop and then run in on the floor like a swiffer (sooo easy), no chemicals either! your floors also dry in like half the time! and it comes with washable microfiber pads that it cleans with. my life will never be the same. i'm so excited i can barely think. praise the lord for infomercials.