Friday, October 3, 2008

birth fest 2008

what? this? oh its just a picture of Caucasian jesus holding a baby.

i've been getting everything ready for the birth.. oh and for the baby... i ordered my birth kit and birth tub... got all her clothes and all the linens for the birth washed and ready.. i can't believe i'm doing this again. its kiiiiinda way more scary this time, but reading breaking dawn helped cause at least my birth wont be as narnar as hers.... oh man. relating it to real life. yikes. anyway i'm at this weird point now because i DO NOT want to be pregnant anymore, most the time i haven't even really felt that pregnant, but i just got to the point where i'm so done with this, i'm so ready to be me again, forever... no more pregnant skylana... never. i've had my fill... but at the same time i'm getting panicked about having both of them here, and being a feeding machine again, losing part of myself again for a time. its not my favorite thing. i thought i was going to have all this alone time leading up to having nola and it hasnt worked out so far... so i'm just starting to feel like i can't breathe or something, like my life is about to end again for a while and time is running out. i just have to get through nola's first year and i know every thing will be better.... anyway.. its not that i'm not excited to see her, cause i really really am... i just can't express how much i DONT like nursing and being woken up every two hours, and i know it will be that much harder doing it while trying to take care of ara too.... it definitely takes its toll. thank God for seth, its so good to have husband who is so amazing and a marriage that is so solid and sound.... because this time is hard for both of us, really hard, but we're both able to remind each other that this is not normal life, this is the rough part, the pregnancy/baby part, the part where i've got hormones all over the place trying to rule my life!... hahha... but really that if we just focus on the fact that this will be done soon, we'll get through and the annoying little things about this time to get to us so easy. i have no idea if ANY of this makes sense. ... but there ya have it. i haven't blogged lately because my computer charger broke, i just got the new one yesterday... so i was using seth's computer and his freaking mac is the WORST thing ever. the internet pretty much NEVER works. ... so outrageously slow.... slow enough for me to give up the internet pretty much altogether.. which is big.


Not The Rockefellers said...

I remember in the days leading up to the birth of my daughter (my only child) that I was sad that I wouldn't be able just get up and go anymore.

I mourned the loss of my freedom.

Then I beat myself for being such a hypocrite because I prayed long and hard for this baby.

My husband would come home to a basket case, who was about give birth at any minute, and who was also hyperventilating while simultaneously scrubbing the kitchen floor because the nesting instinct turned her into a full metal Martha Stewart!

You're not sick, your just pregnant!

Raging hormones in full effect mode!

Peace - Rene

I hope I have made you smile.

kate h. said...

a caucasian jesus holding a CAUCASIAN baby.

E said...

While I can't say I understand the panic about having two munchkins to take care of, I still vividly remember how over I was being pregnant. I remember how while other very pregnant mamas were basking in the glow of their enormous bellies, I was wishing it was physically possible for me to run so I could induce labor. I felt like there must be something wrong with me or my maternal instincts. Now I am very confident it had nothing to do with how much I loved Soren but more to do with how much I didn't love him hanging out in my pelvis. This is a really hard time, but you're right, it will be over soon. The Roberts family is almost complete!

skylana said...

e- we NEED to see you 3... and um 'basking in the glow of their enormous bellies' sick.