i've read emails about me lately.
to the ones talking like you know me, when clearly you dont... get a grip. its obvious from the emails sent to her by people thinking they know me, that you are looking at me through jesus colored glasses. if you could see me on your own then we would probably still be friends whoever you are (i'm sure your defense would be that you could never separate your view of me from jesus, then stop looking). its wild to me that people still think that i dont have friends who disagree with me, this proves that the people who think this either have never known me or have no real contact with me. i have shut a lot of people out of my life recently, and the reason is not from disagreeing, the reason is drama and jesus pushing.
i will not be a christian. i wont. i'm done.
so if youre going to hang out around here, you need to move past that.
it is exhausting to me that there are still some christians who, for whatever reason, are latched onto me like i'm theirs. you are so latched you can't even be happy that i am TRULY happy. i dont need jesus to be happy. maybe you feel so sad that you need him and i dont, i dont know but just let me go. i'm not yours, you dont know my heart and its seriously creepy. when i read the things you people had to say it didn't make me feel like i was missing out, like i was being loved, or like i was angry... it made me feel like you are delusional.
those of you who think i used to have a 'sparkle' when i was following jesus need to realize something... it was FAKE. it wasn't real, it wasn't me. what you were seeing was not me, it was a fabricated me that was doing what others told me to do so that i could receive love. i actively followed something for other people, conciously. so move on.
i have grown up. i realize that only mature people can make the distinction, so it may be hard for those of you to understand who can't look beyond yourself and accept other people no matter what they believe, and truly accept that other people can find love, peace and happiness in things you dont find them in.
i need to put this part of my life behind me. i need to move on from christianity. the book on me being a christian is closed, not to be opened again. i only find hope, peace, comfort and happiness in this statement, so if you think you love me be happy for me. if you hate me... like i have said MANY a time... go away, i dont need nor want you near me. if you think you can't love me and be happy that i have found something outside of jesus then i would actively reject your love, to me, its not love.
i hope im really making this clear.