tested

i have been on this journey of finding what i believe, who i believe god is, what i believe life is and what it is meant for, for the past 4 years and just in the last year i have finally come to some foundations for myself. i will never say again that what i believe to be truth IS the absolute and i will never say its for everyone, but aside from doing that i can still have core beliefs that i hold for myself. i have gotten to the place where i have defined what those things are in my life and said out loud that i believe them and choose them as something i want to implement in my life. up until now i have not had them tested, by life. i have not had anything stare me in the face and say "do you believe this enough to act on it? do you really stand by what you have said you believe about who god is?", until now. i have some things starring me in the face, testing me, questioning all that i've built up in my foundation, asking me to stand by what i've chosen, and you know what? i do. i stand by what i have finally found to be true about god, to be true about life. its hard to be tested, its hard to have to live core beliefs out in a big way but at the same time its good for me to be able to really see myself hold to something i find to be true. its been a long time.

i know i will always grow, and always move forward, with that comes change. change will come in my life again, in my religious views, in my beliefs about life, but i believe i have found very important foundations for all the rest to build upon. however hard it was to go through these past four years and however hard it is to go through my present i'm thankful for all of it. i'm thankful that all of it has brought me peace with god, peace with life, peace with death and mostly peace with myself.