Monday, July 7, 2008

take me back for just a day

so i've been thinking about this and i have to ask... am i really the only person i know who does NOT like the foo fighters? (and sorry but your opinion doesn't count if you dont like any music from that type of genre, or if you only listen to like christian music.... no offense...)

ok that out of the way. i wanted to say just how its amazing the way seth's music from what's in the way, the love of life, and demos he's done with songs from those times he never put out make me feel. i was telling him the other night how there is nothing in the whole world that can give me that feeling. i was thinking that maybe its because of everything God was doing in my life right then... when i moved here i felt completely dead and depressed and in pain. i had been living with my grandparents because i had gotten into trouble at my moms... and while i was there my grandma was really hard on me, i know her intentions were good but it just was too much. at first it made sense for her to be hard on me cause i had gotten into trouble... but i was there for three years and after only a little while i did really well, the only place i ever even wanted to go was church, i certainly wasn't wild anymore.... but the pressure just broke me, plus there was pressure at the church i went to. they were all about living a 'holy' life... what does that even mean? anyway i got grounded for an indefinite amount of time, and when i was grounded i couldn't really come out of my room i couldn't watch tv, i couldn't do anything but listen to music, and sometimes not that either.... so i got more depressed anyway i ended up overdosing on tylenol pm and benedryl... everyone thought i was trying to kill myself and that made me so annoyed because it was like 4 benedryl and 15 tylenol, give me some credit geez... if i was trying to kill myself i knew it would take a lot more than that! anyway everyone was just mad at me, they didn't understand that this was a 16 year olds way of expressing that life was too much and i needed help. i came back to live with my mom, i just drank every night and hung out with lame guys.... then i went to burn (now mercy) when some amazing amazing people were there... the watsons, jesse and darren, chris and emery, jeremy cheetwood, seth :) cameron, carissa... etc etc... anyway God started changing me through their love.... i think combined seth carissa and cameron saved my life. mostly seth of course but carissa was my best friend and cameron was the first person who really gave me a chance. anyway during all of that i hung out with seth pretty much everyday and went to his shows.... its funny because at the time i liked his music but it wasn't my favorite.... but it being there through all those things and going to those shows with danielle, zeb, bess, david wilson... everyone those were the days of my childhood... i had never really had one before that. then during the love of life cd was the time i was dating luke, but it was really bittersweet time for seth and i and i loved that time of my life. anyway i feel like that skylana and that seth are somewhere deep inside our hearts but there's no way to get them out.... until i hear that music and i can close my eyes and i'm there with them. so young, just having fun all the time, so in love... with out even being in love... my heart just aches and at the same time is filled with more joy than i have ever had, even more than when arabella arrived can you believe it? that music is my life wrapped up in to lyrics and melodies. its like it opens my lungs wider than they've ever opened and i can really truly breathe.

ok, so um that being said... i was listening to a demo driving home tonight and on it is one of my favorite songs that seth wrote for mike newsom and i started thinking about all that stuff and how it was when i first came and seth was still kinda talking with jamie and i just feel really thankful for her, and for pam... i dont know if other people feel this way about their husbands ex's but i feel like those ladies were necessary for the life i have and the husband i have. they affected his life and they are a part of his story and i love his story, so i love them and i love that they were there for him.

anyway.... there ya have it.. kind of all over the place.. but that's what i was thinking about today.


Emery Jo said...

I love that Seth's songs are linked to one of the best times of my life too. When I hear his voice I go straight back. Just reading all this made me cry- because music has a powerful effect on me too and opens me up in ways that nothing else can touch. It's so amazing!

Sarah Lam said...

lol, well i like the songs i hear by them on the radio, but i'm sure there are others out there that don't like them

i really like watashi wa's love of life. i don't have any of the personal connections you do to them or their music, but that cd always makes me happy. it's upbeat and optimistic and innocent and always makes me think of childhood summers when life was good and simple. but i love love love the way you phrase it: "That music is my life wrapped up in to lyrics and melodies. its like it opens my lungs wider than they've ever opened and i can really truly breathe."

Anonymous said...

foo took me a REALLLLLLY long time to appreciate their music. his voice is difficult to love.

overdosing...i worked in a mental health facility for a while and sadly, the family of someone who overdosed (a serious suicide attempt or otherwise) almost always got angry. sometimes they got mad at the individual, sometimes the situation. i think it's easier to get angry instead of admitting/realizing there is a serious problem and that they might have some responsibility. i tried my best to show compassion on these men and women i'd see who would tell me their entire story and wonder why no one was helping them. i wondered the same thing. i'm so happy that people came into your life who loved you, listened to you and genuinely cared about you. counseling, meds, hospitals etc have a place and can be very beneficial but everyone needs to feel loved and valued...sometimes that's all we need.

thanks for sharing your experiences so we can all grow from them.

The VanDorn Family said...

I really enjoy reading your blogs. My Brother and I knew Seth when he was in Watashi Wa and still now that we are grown with kids the music brings us back to good times. Simple times. I think I was your age and trying to figure out life and who I was. I will always have good memories connected with that CD.

805 COLLECTIVE said...

mmmmm Mmuussttaarrdd!!!! i like the foo fighters. i like watashi wa. i love 'what's in the way' and touring. yeah. that sums up what i thought about the last 4 minutes...

this is matt by the way.

tell ara i miss her.

jaycheetwood said...

Wait so who are you and why am I mentioned?

And my name is spelled wrong its an A not an E ;)