Sunday, October 26, 2008

a question i have to ask one LAST time.

thank God.

is this what i look like?

then why in the world do people think it is somewhat ok to say things to a pregnant woman like

you look like you are about to pop
... (do they realize that what you are actually saying is that another human being has gotten so big somewhere that they look like they will actually EXPLODE???- i mean look up the definition of 'pop' and then tell me its ok to tell any human they look like they might do that)

or some of my other favs...

wow, are there two in there?

big baby huh?

you've gotten so big since the last time i saw you!

you look so...... pregnant!


now. i would just like to say that i DO NOT understand, nor do i think i EVER will how these statements are seen as completely unquestionable and considered normal nice things to say. i can see how they would be statements that are maybe ok, but are still risks... i would assume anyone saying them would have the common sense to know this.

i am OBVIOUSLY wrong.

please, someone explain to me, why it has somehow become so acceptable to tell a person who already feels tired, huge, probably in pain, maybe has acid reflux, swollen feet and hands, and crazy emotions among a lot of other 'pregnancy symptoms' some women have... that they look big. WE KNOW. anyone gaining 20-30-60 sometimes even 70 pounds in 6-9 months KNOWS they look bigger and no one needs to tell them that. ever. if you want to say something about someone being pregnant try something OBVIOUSLY nice that you would never doubt is going to come off like they're just huge... for example (in case you that have said the previous really dont know what to say)

you look beautiful, when are you due?

a baby? how wonderful!

how have you been feeling? well... you look great.

there is no reason why their size ever has to be involved.

i mean not only would talking about how big someones gotten be questionable when they're in a normal state of mind, but especially when you're hormones are a little out of whack and you're probably more tired than ever...

i understand when guys say this stuff, because well... they're guys. its a little harder to understand them saying this stuff if their wife has been pregnant.... but the MOST confusing one for me to understand is women who have been pregnant before...

what the hell?

i really dont get it. i would NEVER EVER talk to a pregnant woman about how she's gotten bigger... first of all i would think it might not come off nice and secondly even if she didn't care, it just doesn't seem necessary or appropriate. people have said they're just talking about how big the baby's gotten, but come on.. pregnant women get bigger everywhere and we notice it more than anyone else, most the time when we think about how we've gotten bigger its not about our belly, we knew that would get bigger.... and i feel like the people who would understand that the most would be women who have been pregnant before.... but they say it to me the most.

whats the deal?

so. if you say these things knowing you're making a pregnant woman feel fat, you must be the worst kind of person there is... and if you're saying them not knowing, i'm telling you now, STOP. we dont like it. i've heard ONE person say they didn't care and every single other woman i've talked to who has been pregnant has said they hate these statements too...but just put up with them cause... i dont know, they dont rave on a blog like me i guess....

i think people tend to think they can say this kind of stuff to me a lot because i'm skinny? thats the only thing i can think of, like because i'm skinny i dont feel huge when i gain 30 pounds in six months. news flash.... I DO. so dont think that just because someone is normally skinny and may look super skinny to you while they're pregnant, feels that way... odds are they feel huge still, or at least uncomfortable in their skin at the moment.

i'm pretty sure other people might even feel more annoyed when hearing these statements while being pregnant because i'm the type of person who normally doesn't care what people say to me, unless you're my family or best friends... i never care what strangers say or think, and with this i care, it chaps my ass i mean honestly it makes me just want to stay home til i have her... so i can't imagine what a person who cares what other people think of them would feel or especially someone who's insecure. one statement probably isn't a big deal, but the thing is, you're not the only one saying it and sometimes its all i hear all day long... so at the end of the day, i just feel huge and ugly. nice.

ok. got it all out. luckily by thanksgiving i will FOR SURE be free of ever having to come up with responses to these annoying comments again!!! whoooo hoo!

but for the sake of all the other preggies out there... please, just think before you speak.


Flo Oakes said...

Who has said these things to you???
I'll smack them in the face.

meg r. said...

Oh Skylana I hope I did not hurt your feelings today when I said it looked liked the baby grew a lot since last week. I probably did so sorry-I am truly just excited about how Nola is growing and think it is such a blessing and so awesome how any baby can grow inside of us-what a miracle. It is a blessing to have a healthy baby that is really developing and growing and it a testament too to how healthy you are. I think you are beautiful so hope you can take it as no reflection on your body

skylana said...

haha... seriously!? everyone! ladies at the store... family... moms from moms groups... guys... its like everywhere i go.

anna joy said...

man i'm a jerk. i didn't realize that i make my pregnant friends here feel that way, thanks for the reality check :( sometimes it just seems like the only thing to say! like if someone knows one thing about me (for example, they still ask about my ex boyfriend because its the only thing they knew for a few years) i'm like guhhh we're not together so is there anything else in the whole world you want to talk about? I see how thats annoying and I TOTALLY do that to some of my pregnant friends. ack. well God's grace is sufficient for me hahaha. congratulations on baby! and.. really, you DO look beautiful!

meg said...

this is an awesome post. it seriously should be a duh, but I think, people are usually thinking of the baby in the belly, and not thinking of the woman. Cause seriously, no woman ever likes being told she looks huge.
Why is it okay to tell a pregnant lady that? Makes sense. Everyone in America should read this post.

Eyes. Opened. Thanks.