i'm so sick

of weirdness.

and feeling 'cut out'.

we aren't invited to our friends wedding. he is my ex, from 5 and half years ago. he is good friends with seth and we have had nothing but a nice respectful relationship since we broke up... i wouldnt think of him as an 'ex' i just think of him as an old friend. anyway i know that most people aren't like me when it comes to this, blah blah blah, but it just really stresses me out how everyone seems to be on the defense when it comes to their relationships.... yet there's no offense. seth was really sad about it because he considers this person a good friend... i'm sad because i've always tried to maintain good/cordial relationships with people i have dated, and people seth has dated, because they're not just 'exes' they're a part of our life story, a part of our history and a part of who we are today. i understand his position, because he has to respect his soon to be wife, i dont understand her position... i would if like.. him and i talked a lot maybe? or if we dated like last year? or if i wasn't married? or if i was married but didn't have two kids? if she had met me when i looked super hot not when i was super knocked up?.... anyway this kind of thing just stresses me out inside, it makes me feel sick and yucky. we are all people and we're just people trying to love other people... so until there's need for a good defense, lets put down our guns and be friends? because i'm not out to get anyones man, especially one i've dated... that super super didn't work out... i just want to have good relationships with people around me. i want to love.

i feel sad inside.