Sunday, February 22, 2009

fun turned serious

my grandmother came to see my house this friday and i got some adorable pictures of her with the girls. she is so precious to me. we have become closer the past little while through talks on the phone and now i live close to her, which i'm really excited about because it means so much to me to be able to spend time with her as an adult.. to hear her stories and lock them away in my mind for my children.

then yesterday afternoon we went out to the biermanns house and nola and faye finally met face to face... they've met before but never noticed each other ;)

its so good to hang out with erin. theres nothing like other mother friends... except a mother friend with two kids who are EXACTLY the same age as yours. for me its a bond like nothing else, being able to go through the same things at the same time and look at each other and be reassured that no, we are not crazy and neither are our wild two year olds... and we are not alone. its good to hang out with someone and know you dont have to be any certain way or say any certain thing, just be and let your kids be... no one will be offended when your daughter pushes hers.. or when her daughter grabs your babies face... because there's so much understanding for exactly the place we're in... we're in the same place. i love them so much.

after that we went to my aunt cindy's house to see my family. i love us all getting together in her big house, letting the kids play, drinking wine and eating food. arabella sat at the kids table! it was the best moment since i gave birth to her so far... my first real moment of freedom from her. my grandma sang songs to me and my sister and my heart ached knowing that i need to save those moments in my heart because there will only be so many left.

its a bummer that it has to feel so uncomfortable with my mother there, but at least we can be cordial and i was able to spend my time with the other members of my family, who are wonderful wonderful people. my aunt laura brought magic hats and wands for the kids.. adorable.

arabella spent a bit of time at my aunt cindys house before we moved, having baths with doggies, teaching them to obey and playing in the mud... while enjoying this she fell in love with crates. cindy was kind enough to bring out arabellas favorite dog crate for her to play in.

then last night seth stayed here with the girls and i went out with amy. we went to black sheep and mcarthys and drank, smoked and talked. so good. she is my friend who gives me the outlet of a somewhat single life. being with her is so good because i can just have fun and not worry about children or husbands... we dont talk about baby things, which is very refreshing. i can live vicariously through her wild stories which are never lacking. she might be the funnest person i know. i'm only sad that we finally started hanging out right before i left. its crazy how much we have in common that we never knew. interesant.

this morning we had breakfast with erin, karl and soren. i love them. we've seen erin recently but its been a while since we've seen karl and let me just say there is nothing as presh as karl. we love him. that lil face. they have become our old faithfuls.. haha hopefully that doesnt sound bad.. because it is very good. we ate good omlettes and good french toast and said our see you laters.

my babies are sleeping now and i'm watching our childrens godparents in envy. having a calm peaceful sunday morning, listening to npr.. si reading, brook making crazy wild hair pieces. i feel bad giving my advice to never have children when they ask if its worth it... but when i see this i feel shock. shock that me and seth once had that because i feel like i can't reach far enough back in my mind to a time when we could be together in peace... where we could do what we wanted to do on a saturday without preparing little meals, putting on someone's tiny clothes, patting a back to put a little one to sleep, serving up time outs and making sure wherever we go she can run free without risk of something breaking, or she can be locked down. its amazing to see people living in peace and quiet and seeing it as normal life. i'm jealous. i tell them they're lucky, but really they're just smart.

you know a long time ago i had dreams of things, and its funny to think about how everyone has always said me and brook look like sisters, and now i feel when i look at her that i'm looking at my parallel life. the life i chose not to live, the life i gave up in my foolishness to hurry up. i've never said it to her, but she does all the things i always wanted to do. she is living the dreams i had so many years ago. i am thankful for my children and i know this intense part of mothering wont last forever but its hard to see what you feel you missed right in front of you and not think about it.

it only reminds me how much i want more to my life.

i will get there.


Erin said...

I'm so glad you put up the pictures of Faye and Nola. They are such cute little friends! And yeah, after you guys left I decided to try formula and Faye wouldn't have anything to do with it so I just gave her some rice cereal. I guess she was ready because she knew what to do. Haha. Well, I'm so glad that you guys hung out for a little while. It does help me to feel normal being with you guys and I love that. And I totally agree with what you said about Brook and Simon. I can't remember a time when Lane and I just sat and did something relaxing and fun TOGETHER. Sounds amazing. I mean I love these girls more than anything and I want to enjoy the years I have with them, because one day soon Skylana, they will be out doing their own thing and we'll be home wondering what they're doing. But when that day comes it will be nice, huh? To sleep in and go out to dinners without worrying... fun.

faith said...

I am sooo glad I found your blog. I really needed to read this today. Your writing is beautiful and your girls are adorable! I will definitely be back for more :)

meg said...

this is a really beautiful post.
as someone living the other side of life, I can tell you it's hard in a different way for me to watch you and your family grow. I'm jealous of your time with your girls and your little family and that your time is spent caring for precious things instead of my worldly pursuits.
grass is always greener.