Tuesday, April 28, 2009

being wasted can be a good thing.

lets be positive here.

anything can be a good thing if you let it be.

i drink on a normal basis, i dont get wasted. i've gotten to the level i would call drunk a handful of times over the past three years. (we're not talking buzzied)

last night i got wasted. wasted.

i have been this drunk NEVER and the last time i was remotely close i was in 7th grade.

i went to seths show... had 4 drinks and a little more 'sips', did the bad thing and strayed from gin ... watched him play, yelled 'i HATE this song' when he played 10 years in separating states (what a bitch). i do hate it, but that is my big regret from last night.. went into the green room (i think thats where it started) and...

wait for it......

threw up.

alright. here's the deal... just to get you up to speed...

i DO NOT throw up. i threw up once in 8th grade, which was about 10 years ago.... before that i threw up when i was 5. i've been terrified of throw up my whole life. when i say terrified i mean when seth pukes i have to repeat in my head, sometimes even out loud that i will not die if he throws up... and even then i'm not convinced. any time that i have thrown up i'm ALWAYS holding back. i try for hours to not throw up, then i do finally and i hate it the whole time i'm doing it.

last night i let go. i couldn't really help letting go, the tequila/gin wouldn't let me. but it was kinda life changing. it felt good to throw up. really good. i felt freedom letting go.

i dont want to speak to soon, but i'm pretty sure that was the last page in the very long book of my fear of throw up.

we got home, i parked myself on the sidewalk and told seth to go take care of business... just do what he had to do and bring me another gin and tonic. when we got inside i argued profusely that i didn't think nola was santa monica blvd, even though i kept calling her that. i got in bed and talked seths head off til he fell asleep.

i wont be getting that drunk again any time soon, but im really glad it helped me hopefully close the book on emetophobia.


Emery Jo said...

is it weird for me to say that i find myself SUPER relieved that you may not be afraid of throw up anymore? it always made me feel really stressed out to think of how much you hated it, because- it's one of those things in life that everyone has to do once in awhile. you just can't get away from it forever.

i'm so very glad. hahahahaha.

Flo Oakes said...

Every time I read about fears, the typical treatment, as cliche as it sounds is that therapy where they expose the person to the fear.
I always have been skeptical of it...but I guess it works!?

I'm SUPER glad for you.