Wednesday, April 8, 2009

colors.




i was happy because for a while arabella didn't see color.... when it came to peoples skin.

she thought i looked like oprah, she thought kevin looked like kanye west... if you asked what color someone was she said the color of their shirt.

then we were at trader joes and she said to me about the african american man asking for donations for something... 'whats that brown guy doin?'...

but then she confused me when she called someone who is a Caucasian that obviously had been tanning, 'that black lady'.

i asked what color she thought she was... yellow.

and seth green.

i'm white.

nola is black.

so i now realize she still doesn't see the color of peoples skin... was trader joes a fluke? interesting.

i've just loved the fact that when a child comes into this world, they dont see color.. or religion... or sexuality... or judge beauty. they just love, they just accept. it makes me so happy that i can have the power to raise a human in love, to continue teaching them to be accepting of other people the way the are.

i know people think these children are 'inherently evil' because they do bad things... but i can't make myself see that.... all i see is pure love, no condemnation of others, no precepts for love, no discrimination, just acceptance... at every angle.

i believe there is good and bad in all of us, but to say we are by nature 'sinful' or evil... i dont get. mostly i think i never understood this struggle of sin inside people that i would hear expressed because i never felt it.. if i ever felt a struggle it was from what someone else said i shouldn't do. when i search my own heart i feel completely at peace with the desires i have and how much or how little i am willing to act on those desires, i'm at peace with the amount of love that i want to give out freely, i'm at peace with the amount of love i have for myself. i have never felt like i'm evil left to myself... i feel good inside. i have bad spots but i feel they are few and i think the same of others, some have more, some have less.. which i can't rightly judge anyway because i can't see their insides. i believe there is an ability to do bad in arabella, but her heart is big and full of all encompassing love.

the things she has learned that are bad and repeats i believe are from me, or other people around her... but her desire never seems to me to be of ill nature.. when she wants to hit and or do kid things its usually to get attention. which to me isn't bad and though i dont believe in 'sin' i wouldn't categorize that as wrong. at her age and younger which is really, i believe, the only time we can barely even make a judgment about whether we are born sinful, i think you have to look at the reasons behind why children do what they do... if she hits because she felt angry i can see that she has learned to express anger from me, maybe not through hitting but none the less if she has hit before and i was the one who expressed to her that that was bad, then maybe when she felt bad inside it would just make sense to express it with something she now knows as bad... if she hits and smiles like she's funny its probably just because she wants me to laugh at her and think she's funny... which also... doesn't seem wrong to me (the action yes, but not the desire).... anyway i could write about this forever and i'm sure the opposing viewers would never see my angle and i wouldn't accept theirs... but i'm glad that i can see arabella in her purity and that i can see her good little heart.. because nothing has shown me love like she has. i dont mean the love inside me, i mean the love inside her... it blows me away to watch someone love the way she does.

6 comments:

kinzeee9603 said...

I love this so much, Skylana. I had never really considered it in depth (whether or not we are born evil) but the way you explained everything, using arabella as an example, makes perfect sense. children do not judge. hatred and sin comes not from them, but from sources outside of our control (and god knows there are pleeennttyy of those...) we are born to love and be loved. then everything that we are taught, through our experiences as children, instill in our minds those things that some would consider "sinful". anyway, just thought this was a cool post.
OH, and nice tits!! ;) i recently went to victoria's secret, and they were giving a $5 discount just to try on their new bra (the new angel, or something?) anyway, that shit was INSAANNEEE. i bet they have that offer cuz it's such a good bra that a lot of women probably end up buying it just cuz of how lovely it makes your boobs look (and soooo comfortable). of course, ridiculously expensive though...PLUS, when my bra comes off, i don't wanna feel like my boobs have downgraded. hahaha. the extra boost is nice sometimes though! have a wonderful rest of the week :)

Sarah Corbett said...

I don't understand why anyone would choose to see their children or any other human in any other light than this.

Marianne Elixir said...

I also love how my children don't see color. Of course, Soren is old enough now that if we were to quiz him, I am sure he could "get it right", but he would see the exercise as being about as meaningful as correctly identifying shirt colors. I do remember the first time Elliot really saw a black man. We were riding on the train next to this tall basketball player whose lovely black legs were scrunched up with ours, and Elliot leaned over to touch his skin in awe and wonderment, which the guy thought was lovely.

Anyhow, as for the sin nature. Sometimes main-stream Christianity (if it can even be called that, I'd prefer something like Churchianity) makes me sick because of the impression it obviously gives to other people about biblical philosophy.

Of course I think I and my children are "inherently sinful" but I think that our sin nature means something very different from what you've described. Because, of course, I also see my children as brimming with the same love, and innocence, and creativity and beauty that you see in yours.

I believe all people are made in the image of God. As such, people delight to love, to do right, to create and appreciate beauty, to be wonderfully dynamic human beings - regardless of ones spiritual/religious status. It seems to me, that where true sinfulness shows up is when circumstances present us humans with "the right/good" thing to do that is in direct conflict with some important selfish aspect of ourselves. I think that in those moments we, if we are honest, always want to choose ourselves, even if it is at the cost of doing right/good by someone else, and that often, in fact, we do the wrong thing that is more satisfying to ourselves. Not to say that we always do the wrong thing, just that our instinctive desire is self over right and that is a problem and is hurtful and potentially destructive to people in relationship with us.

The important selfish desires that trump doing the right thing will be different for different people, so you could come up with lots of examples of people being "effortlessly selfless" in difficult situations, but I would argue that perhaps the situation did not actually confront that person at a level of their base selfish wants/needs/goals/etc.

I don't know if I am making good sense or not, but I guess my main point is that most of what I see labeled as Christianity in this country does an AWFUL job at reconciling the biblical concept of the beauty and inherent goodness and "created in God's image"-ness of human beings with the biblical concept of inescapable human brokenness/sinfulness. In so failing to show the fullness of humanity, the modern church makes true Christianity easily dismissible.

THE WHITTINGTONS said...

i have to agree with you on this. i could never see jackson as inherently evil. he might be testing boundaries, or figuring out his world, or he might just be curious, but that doesn't mean he is inherently evil. i have never understood how people could see their children this way.

to me, i see jackson in much the same way as you see arabella... full of love with a big heart. honestly, i have never understood how people could say God is good and we are made in God's image, and yet, there is no good in us. it has never made sense.

as jackson's mom, i want to see the good in him, the purity, the love, the curiosity... and help him to see that and love that in himself. and hopefully doing that will help him see the same in others.

skylana said...

i like your thinking marrianne. there are of course things we think differently about about this... but you make sense and i appreciate your point of view and could totally see that being true. its interesting to think about for me.

Flo Oakes said...

Marianne...again....I KNOW we'd be real life friends!! your comment echoes me and josh's thoughts completely, but I could never say it as eloquently as you!

Skylana-I love the way you love Ara..you are a beautiful mother. I love you all so much!