Sunday, April 19, 2009

extremely balanced.

i am extremely balanced.

you may think 'woa, no you are not', but that my friends is where you would be wrong. because 'extremely balanced' doesnt mean i am balanced extremely, it means i'm balanced... to the extreme.

ok there is no way i can explain this outside of my brain. but just know that inside... its perfect.

i know i am balanced. i know i am completely extreme.

when i dont know you, or even a lot of time when i do know you... but you aren't burrowed very deep inside my heart you could throw rocks in my face and tell me i was a piece of shit... and though i might have a welt, i wouldn't be hurt.

people are often at a loss when they finally really truly understand that i dont care what people think about me... when they get that crazy anonymous commenters can say outrageous things while spelling like complete idiots and i dont get sad... or someone can list off 30 reasons why they hate me and i can find the humor in it...

but my secret to this isn't that i am truly made of stone... the secret is just this...

those who are burrowed in my heart can hurt me so deeply, thinking about it terrifies me.

i save up my emotion and spend it wisely... but when i spend it, theres a lot to go around.

i am extremely balanced.


Flo Oakes said...

I am so thankful that I am one of the people you spend your emotion/love on.
Seriously, thank you..I love you so much!

You and Josh are so alike in this way..SO alike.

It's why when he says he loves me, or is proud of me for something, I can take it SO seriously, and know he means it..because he doesn't throw that stuff around to just anyone.

I feel the same with you.

Anonymous said...

your heart is underneath the surface, somewhere below the mess.

life sucks sometimes...

it really sucks sometimes...

but you've got yourself together... and you don't even need god!

i admire you, truly admire you!

you are not only your own god, but mine too!

Amanda said...

I really admire that you don't care what people say about you. I wish I could get to that point. Thats why I don't tell people I know that I have a blog because I don't want to give them a reason to say something about it. Not that it is as interesting as yours but I would like to have the freedom to express myself whenever I want.