Saturday, April 4, 2009


i have found my spiritual soulmate in deepak chopra.

i just started reading The Book of Secrets: unlocking the hidden dimensions of your life... and its changing my life.

thank you to bryan stupar for posting that video because i finally feel like i'm entering the peace phase of this 3 year struggle to find who or what it is that i really believe in. i feel peace with myself, peace with others, peace with death... just peace with the whole of life. its so crazy that i finally feel this, i think i had actually forgotten what peace even felt like.

its amazing to finally feel like i have a complete bond with another human being, whether i know them or not, as far as my belief system... its been sooooo long since i have connected with someone on that level. not that im actually connecting with him, because i dont know him haha but to just know that i'm not alone and that there is someone who shares the same philosophy as me... there is so much peace there. its amazing to have someone to really learn things from again, like someone to look up to when it comes to this kind of stuff... i haven't felt like i had anyone to look up to spiritually for the past 3 years, maybe longer. i wish everyone would read this book. he is the first person that has given me a reason i can understand for having a sense of what is right and wrong. its not that i had stopped believing in right and wrong, i still do, always have, but i wasn't sure where that definition of it was coming from and when he explains in the book what he believes i was like 'oh... exactly'. i dont believe its coming from the 'holy spirit' or the bible or jesus or even God.

i know this blog is scattered but my mind is just in the middle of being blown.

he is so balanced and i love it... i'm so sick of extreme religion. for me, just the way the average christian person views the world is very extreme and i'm not the kind of person who would be ok with thinking there is no higher power at all or there is no spirit, only science... i've been in the middle trying to understand how to make love and science, ego and selflessness, death and life exist in balance together. he speaks of these things with so much balance that the world looks different. its like everything i have been going through these years has been leading up to this moment, one of what i hope will be many, of clarification and revelation. its so amazing to hear someone talk about love and unity with all humans without attributing it to a religion you are 'supposed' to believe (which actually most religions dont promote unity), its so amazing to hear someone talk about our inner selves, the good and the bad as a whole... without talking like somehow we in our nature are evil or sinful...

this is where i see God, in freedom, in love, in acceptance of who i am with NO condemnation... people would always say there is no condemnation in christ, but i never felt that way around his people. for the first time i feel truly at peace with who i am, what i believe and how that relates to the rest of the world. i feel completely secure.


Sarah Corbett said...

I'm so happy for you.

The Avilas said...

keep searching girl. i know you will find truth.

i do know this.....after having london, i do believe we are born inherently evil. that is no joke. i didn't teach him the things that he does....he needs salvation.

that is all i will say.

JessicaToday said...

"i know this blog is scattered but my mind is just in the middle of being blown. "
love this dude.
you have definitely sold me on this one... i have been looking at getting a book like this for awhile and this sounds perfect.
thank u.

Daniel said...

I don't have strong feelings one way or the other about Chopra, but I did read his "self-help for a closed mind". I also noticed that he broke at least half of his own rules in the video talk you mentioned before.

I thought the chick was an idiot, I thought Driscoll was a jerk, I thought to charismatic pastor was a deluded moron, and I thought Chopra was one of the more self righteous people I've ever listened to.

Where does that leave me?

bryan.stupar said...

Skylana, LOL!
I'm pretty certain that Chopra is not one I would say, "follow".

I do believe there are MANY paths + voices, some well intentioned and some dastardly (ha, I actually used that in a sentence) most of which lead to brokenness and pain. "God", is a tough subject. Many claim to know His ways and really don't. I for one certainly don't claim to be an "expert", but what little I do know, has changed me. This verse has helped me.

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
-Is 55

Daniel, not even sure what to say about your comment other than, your a tough guy to please, and it sounds like you have a ready commentary on most people, with:
"chick was an idiot"
"Driscoll was a jerk"
"charismatic pastor, a deluded moron"
"Chopra...self righteous"


skylana said...

Jenn and Daniel- honestly your comments kind of frustrated me.. Jenn, after all this time I'm just getting tired of hearing christian people say 'you'll find the truth' when that usually is just a way of saying whatever I have found isn't it (usually even more that whoever is saying It believes they somehow have found it) maybe that's not what you meant but how it seemed to me along with saying how you feel about us being inherintly evil.. Which I strongly disagree with and could slash would sit and talk with you about for hours if you were interested in my perspective on that... And Daniel you sound very bitter at the moment which I get because I so recently felt it too... But as people who I believe care about me it just would have meant a lot to have you just be happy for me about the fact that I finally, after a struggle you could not believe for 3 years, have found peace.

skylana said...

Oh and Bryan!! Sorry.... I didn't mean to make it seem like you would suggest chopra as a spiritual leader... I was just kind of joking slash serious about that I am thankful, despite our different views on it, that you posted that video because either way that's what brought me to peace... So thank you again ;)

Katy said...

so i've been kind of a lurker on your blog for awhile now- but this post really struck a chord in me! I've had the discussion with a few friends recently about the "you'll find the truth" or, "one day you'll realize what the truth REALLY is!" and i know it's such the wrong way of telling christians and ESPECIALLY non-christians about what they believe. I feel like Christianity is something that each individual person has to discover on their own. you are so right, extreme religion sucks. figure out what you believe through your own relationship with God and don't worry about "someday you'll figure it all out! :-)"

p.s. your girls are the most adorable children ever. :-) hehe! and the picture of your husband playing guitar to nola absolutely makes my heart swoon because i can totally see my fiance doing that. hehe!!! :-) it makes me excited for the future. lol!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that you've felt condemnation from other Christians. Sadly, people choose extreme religion to be legalistic, trying to win their way to heaven or make themselves seem like better people, or purely out of insecurity. But extreme religion shouldn't be chosen. Love for God should naturally lead to living life in an extreme, set-apart way. If we follow Jesus we will become more like Him. It's different for everyone, but still extreme.

I know girls who don't wear any makeup out of love for God and disdain for "the world." I also know girls who minister to emotionally/physically battered porn stars, and they wear tons of makeup and skimpier clothes... but they are reaching porn stars and I doubt porn stars would listen to someone without makeup.

So God calls us to individual paths. And in that I have found peace.

I am glad you have found peace, but I wonder if it is real peace or just something that is making you feel good right now because it sounds good and makes you connect with him. Honestly, it kind of scares me a little.

I know you have a big heart. You have a lot to offer. You are strong, opinionated (in a good way), and an influencer, not a follower. You stand up for things you believe in and you have passion unlike any other. You are beautiful inside and out. Your inner beauty is more beautiful though. Your pretty smile will be surrounded by wrinkles one day, but your inner beauty can only grow more beautiful. You shine, Skylana. You shine so bright, even in trials.

I don't know what kind of peace you have found, or if you are treading dangerous grounds or not. But I know that truth is found in Jesus alone. Not man.

Be careful who you follow and remember you aren't made to be a follower of this guy, even if you connect with him. God created you to be a leader. It's a lonely, tiresome road. It's hard and painful to feel like no one can relate. But one day you will...

Not sure if this makes sense, just kinda came out.

skylana said...

ViR9i7E3v9xxEsGd4oHOmrOD7akH_juRKMRAR5E- thats the weirdest freaking sign in name...i dont get it. i dont think people just choose extreme religion to be legalistic, i think they truly believe its true.. and if any of us believed it was true we would have no choice but to follow it. when i was talking about extreme religion in this post i was simply talking about the fact that for me just christianity in general is extreme and not something i want to be a part of. there are obviously christians that i have a lot of respect for, like my husband and best friends, but its something i dont think i ever really believed and as you can't say never, ever... i wont say never to jesus, but i really dont have any sign inside me that hints towards believing in him as God ever.

its weird that you would feel 'scared' for me, because i have no idea who you are, its awkward to write things like that to someone on a blog in general... because if you know me and you really care that much you should just talk to me and if you dont know me its weird of you to be scared for me. in either situation, from just reading this comment i can say i HIGHLY doubt you and i have sat down and had any sort of lengthy conversation about theology.

i'm sorry for you that your mind can't wrap around the fact that i am not like you, i have chosen a different path and that's ok. no amount of convincing yourself that i will find 'the truth' or 'your truth' will make it any more likely to happen.

this comment also leads me to believe that you must not know me... because to suggest that i would 'follow' anyone... ha.. well you have to know me to know how that sounds. i will follow no one. i do look up to deepak, i would never believe in something because he says its true.. i wouldn't believe in ANYthing because someone else says its true. i find what i believe to be truth for myself and even then i ALWAYS recognize there is room for error.

its funny to me that out of all the people who i have talked to about any of this... the only people (who by definition of their own religion should be happy for me and accepting of me out of love, and trusting in a God they believe is so big he can save anyone) who have been discouraging and haven't been able to just allow me to be and God to be in control, are other christians....

if God is so in control, why do you all feel the need to repeat and repeat that i will 'find the truth'... i am convinced of the things i can truly say i have come to believe... it sounds to me like you need to convince yourself that everyone really will be like you someday... and to me, that's sad.

Daniel said...

hmm.. well let's see if I can be any more misunderstood than I already was.... probably my fault for posting quickly and with little details.

Skylana - I'm not sure what to tell you other than, I'm glad you've found peace. I'm not bitter at all, actually. I didn't realize that's how it came across. If you like Chopra, you should study Greek philosophy because that's where most of his ideas sound like they're coming from.

I've read a lot of stuff, watched, read, listened to debate after debate after debate, and all I could think of in that video was, I can't hear one single thing here that is new or original. That doesn't make it inherently good or bad (woah, I'm starting to sound like Chopra!)it just makes it a bit boring to me.

I actually enjoyed the give and take of the conversation between Driscoll and Chopra. The other two didn't belong anywhere near an intellectual debate. Driscoll didn't say anything really interested or new which isn't surprising. Just because something isn't new doesn't make it false. I think he did a good job of explaining what he believes although I don't really agree. I also think that once he realized that he could pander to the audience and they would cheer and clap for his cheap shot comments, he began to use that more and more and it made him come off as a bit of a jerk.
I also think that Chopra did a good job of explaining what he believes, and he did an incredible job of asking honest questions of Driscoll and the others without being personally insulting or pandering. I also don't know if I really agree with him either, so that's what I'm saying.

I don't believe what Driscoll believes, or at least not everything he believes. I don't agree with Chopra in the majority of the things he said, although I think a lot of his observations are exactly right on.

So that means that the debate they had was virtually useless to me since I couldn't really back either side.

I do think that that neither of them have done their homework in studying other ideas and opposing thoughts. And that is one of Chopra's key points in all his comments, that we need to consider all other options and not just passively accept our own default opinions. Several of the most basic questions he asked have been answered over and over again in a far more clear manner than Driscoll throughout thousands of years of theological and intellectual discussions, yet he seemed to have no idea. That bothered me.

That's my only thought really. Nothing that vitriolic or pissed off.

Brian -
I'm not sure what to say about your comment either... so I won't. I also promise not to cut and paste part of your comment and attach "hmmm" to it. deal?
it reminds me of my favorite word, "interesting". It can mean anything and positive or negative.. and if it's received negatively, you can even insinuate that they misunderstood without seeming like you're lying! So.. your comment on my comment was.. interesting!

skylana said...

daniel.. thanks for explaining.

i'm bummed that this got so intense or became a conversation really.... under normal circumstances i welcome conversation and LOVE it.. but this time i just wanted to say i was happy, and at peace... and i wanted to share that with my friends and readers... not have MORE discussion over the saaaaaame things as always.

JessicaToday said...

its true, christians want you to find love and truth.
but at their core they only have the ability to believe that can be found on the path to christianity.
and this is the issue.
the christians who read your blog will never see your path to enlightenment as a positive unless it is ultimately tied to god.
its basically a fact that you either have already accepted or will very soon, im sure.
its got to be difficult for you since it is obvious that your best friends and even husband believe in god as the christian bible tells it.
as someone who doesn't know you, but does read your blog i can tell you from my own observations purely from here, that i haven't read a blog coming from you in a long time that spilled out so much peace and love and positivity as this one.
you have obviously found something that you relate to, connect with, receive much needed understanding from. this is a wonderful thing that the people who love you should be happy for you for.
but even if they are not, the bottom line is, its you living your life, not them, and its you who can put things in your life that make you a more aware, more fulfilled human being.
finding puzzle pieces that fit our own molds in this crazy game of life and existence is difficult enough. appreciate your own abilities and personal successes and don't let anyone else take that away (not that i really think u would).

Daniel said...

I completely agree with JessicaToday. A large part of your viewing audience are in the Christian World. And by the definition of what they believe they will never be fully happy for you until you "come back to the fold".

Some will be outright hostile and some will say 100 versions of "someday you will find the real truth you're searching and it will be jesus, and I'm praying for you".

I've gotten used to it. It's not fun really, but it is telling. Don't let it get to you.

Amanda said...

I have followed your blog for awhile now. I have seen you hurt and seek for answers.
I am actually happy for you that you have found peace. Guess what I am a follower of Jesus, what? Yeah we are not all the same.
Seriously when reading this I felt relieved to read that you have found peace. It must be such a weight off your shoulders.

Will McCabe said...

Hey Skylana! Been a while since I threw a comment your way, so here it goes. I can totally relate to your desire for your friends to be happy for you, and to not have another endless debate. Actually, to that point, I think the Bible warns against endless debates as something to stay away from. Here is my perspective though, although I can be happy that a friend is on a journey to find truth, peace, etc. I would be remiss if I abandoned my own beliefs by not gently reminding them of what I know/believe to be true. That being said, I think it can and should always be done in love with a view towards having an open mind and a listening ear, which if I am hearing you correctly, is really what you desire from your friends.

Regarding your exact points, I would tend to agree with Bryan and Daniel on their opinion of Chopra. My problem with his philosophy is exactly what you find appealing, which is this idea of balance. To me, balance is another word for comfortable and in any journey for truth, when you find what you ultimately believe to be true, it is rarely comfortable. This applies to any religion, not just Christianity. All religions require a firm and strict belief and that "truth." Chopra's thoughts are more of a feel good philosophy (in my opinion) and can not and should not be labeled as a religion. I am not saying you did this, I am just expounding on a thought. Regarding the "unity" comment, I agree that many religions and denominations do not promote unity. Jesus however did promote and preach unity during his ministry. I am seeing more and more, how important it is to seperate what I belief from being labeled religion. I am actually trying more and more to stop referring to myself as a Christian and start saying that I am a follower of and believer in Jesus.

I agree with Jenn that we are inherently evil, and in any spiritual journey, you have to address that question. There is more to be said here, but not for now.

I also agree with you regarding your view of many "Christians" and their inability to be responsive to any view other than the one they hold. To me, living in an understanding way does not mean abandoning your beliefs, but it means really listening and loving those that don't share your exact belief and sharing truth in love when the opportunity presents itself. Nobody wants to be hammered all the time. Though we have never met in person, I am certain you know where I stand and what I believe, and that is enough for me. As always, I appreciate your willingness to be transparent and the brutal honesty with which you confront issues, and hopefully we can always have honest dialogue that produces something other than frustration and meaninless debate.


stina said...

even though i don't really take part in them, i've kind of been missing these discussions over your posts.
i'm glad you have peace because no peace is so so difficult to deal with.

skylana said...

will- seriously i really love you and really appreciate you, i think you have always been very respectful and awesome to have these conversations with.

im going to say that the hard thing for me about what you said... 'I would be remiss if I abandoned my own beliefs by not gently reminding them of what I know/believe to be true.'... is that its weird to me that to just keep your mouth closed out of love would feel like abandonment of your own beliefs to you. that's the problem to me, christians dont know when to keep their mouths shut a lot of times.... and that's coming from someone who likes talking and hearing people talk... i just think if you came to me and said how happy you were because jesus gave you peace i wouldn't feel any need to tell you what i believe unless you asked. if i live what i believe in front of you, why do i need to talk about it to you, when you're not asking? if i believe God is faithful and trustworthy and wants everyone to come to him, then why would i have to say anything to try and convince you to choose him? cant he do that on his own? and if i do have a part in it, i would want it to be the actions of my life that attracted you to love, not my words. if you have a friend who you truly believe is on the hunt for truth, than trust that your God will reveal it to them... if you really trust that, you dont have to say it out loud to them... there's no point. if he will, then he will, if he wont, then he wont... but either way its not your problem... as long as you are loving them as you believe you should and they know where you stand, you are not in control anymore.

like, i feel like i know you and if you just left a comment that said 'i'm so happy you have peace' i would NEVER EVER EVER think that you for one second thought any less about the truth you hold to, i would however think you were even more of an amazing person and see who i see of jesus when i read the bible in you... because to me, that is real, selfless honest love. its shocking to me that it upsets people so much who supposedly trust in God and think he is all mighty that i found peace elsewhere... they're not giving him much credit.

secondly i think its weird to think of balance as comfortable... for me balance is anything but 'comfortable' ... i am probably one of the most extreme people that any one of my friends knows... and most humans dont thrive in balance, we thrive on the right or the left... hardly ever in the middle... because having such a strong conviction or having our rights is so appealing and boosts our ego so much that it pulls away from the center. the center where we can look at our friends, our neighbors, strangers and find common ground. when i read about jesus, although for the time being he was an extremist, the things he talks about seem balanced, his life... not comfortable.

i totally agree with 'Chopra's thoughts are more of a feel good philosophy (in my opinion) and can not and should not be labeled as a religion'... but i am NOT after religion, in any shape or form.... i want to find a way to love.. and he speaks of love in a way i can relate to and understand and want to act out. i, in no way, want to follow chopra... i just want to learn from him... just like i learn from seth, from my friends, from bryan stupar, from you... i think we should all learn from each other. i'm not about following one man. (hence.... um... not following jesus.. haha)

in my own life, i have already addressed the question of whether we are inherently evil or not, i feel very at peace about my stance on this, its actually what started my whole journey out of christianity.

anyway, i really like you, i'm glad you are my friend, even if its not in real life ;)

and... all that being said, including my blog.. i know, and will ALWAYS know, that i could be completely wrong and that's ok.. because i know my heart is good and i know what i want in life... so if i search for it, i will find it.

Anonymous said...

I have a few questions for you:

1.) What do you believe happens when you die, since you don't believe in Christianity?

2.) Who are you? Besides wife, mommy, and friend, who are you?

3.) How do you know Jesus isn't the son of God?

4.) Why do you have such animosity toward Christians? If you don't, it seems like it...

5.) How do you know that what you have found is truly peace?

6.) What is peace?

7.) Stop painting your toe-nails.

skylana said...

1.) i have no idea. it could be a million different options in my mind. i hope we have more lives.. if not i hope we are with god, and our friends and our families.

2.) i could never answer that question in writing.

3.) i dont KNOW jesus isn't the son of God, just as people dont KNOW that he is.

4.) because a lot of them are assholes.

5.) that question doesn't make sense. what i've found is not peace... what i have found is bringing me peace...

6.) peace is the opposite of the depression, constant questioning, intense analyzing and restlessness i have felt for the past 3 years.

7.) what the fuck?

i'm gonna guess you're another asshole christian.... who obviously doesn't even have balls enough to sign your name and be responsible for the asinine things you are saying.

Seth Alan Roberts said...

im a Christian and she likes me.

Anonymous said...

why do you want to be with god when you die? it seems you don't like him very much.

and no, i'm not a christian, but i have lots of christian friends... i used to be a christian, till i realized they are all assholes and watch porn all day.

but i do think this is a little interesting, if i do say myself.

i only said it so you wouldn't do your toenails anymore. but we could watch porn of people eating their poop. yum.

i just wanted to test out your answers and see how pissy you'd get about it all if i pretended to be all cool and what not on there on friday and saturday.

remember? i wasn't even there.

but i will tell you this:

you can find the truth if you ask for it.

maybe a genie will pop up and bring peace to all and to all a good night.

christianity is for the birds. quack. i mean, who the hell wants to believe anything if you can't actually know anything, right?

mine as well jsut all be blades of grass swinging in the breeeze..... woooweeeee wooooweeee.

blades of grass. blades of grass.

asn how do i sign my name on here? it won't let me... you don't have is posted so anonymous or names can post...

i am glad you are not ddepressed and have found joy outside of polluted insane christianity... those christians are nutball cases... i can't even beleive ittttttttttttttt

did you know that some of them women even wear head coverings??? like what are they trying to do, huh? lose all of their rights and be doormats for their husband and their so called god?

anyway... thanks for your post. i wanted to test out your beliefs because i think i want to follow you. it seems like you have found something i need and now that you passed the test... i'm game!

skylana said...

you dont know how to type your name at the end of a comment? wow. ill show you...

Amanda said...

"i would want it to be the actions of my life that attracted you to love, not my words." Exactly!!! I love that you said this and I believe that it is true.

anna joy said...

Hi Skylana :)

I LOOOOVE how passionate and extreme (even about being extremely unextreme and balanced haha) you are-- and your honesty. I really wish I could live as honestly as you do. I love reading your blog and hearing your ideas on things. I didn't mean to, but accidentally got lost in reading all these comments... and wow. hahaha. that vlskdjfslkdfjsd guy is a basket case.... srsly wtf? and I agree mostly with will if i had to agree with anyone. just like you- i don't believe that i have to please anyone just for the sake of pleasing anyone- so i don't really need to pretend that i agree with your views on chopra and peace. i do follow Jesus, and i do agree with you and almost everyone else about most 'christians' being super self righteous and extreme. but to be honest, i'm not above that even though i'd love to be, we are all capable of having our heads stuck up our butt and being way to into ourselves hahaha. i just strive to and rest in following Jesus in humbleness and honesty, learning from everyone and everything around me. I think its sooooo great that you are not swimming around in restless turmoil, because that sucks so so bad. but i also love your honesty when you said "i could be completely wrong". its really inspiring how open you are and how you live your live full force, able to make faceplants and get up again and learn and grow. anyways, that comment was way longer than i meant it to be- but i feel like since were on the next level of internet friendship on facebook now that im allowed to comment real things ahhahaha. ps i love that video of arabella and her messy hair singing abcs!!!