last night on the drive home, while my family was asleep and i was singing along to cher, i started to think about what the hell my deal is.
i have been SUPER reclusive. like i stay home almost all day every day and dont go out at night. but lately when i go to san luis i hang out with people i never really hung out with before (all the while thinking, "where the hell were these normals when i lived here!?!??!") and i love it. i feel like i could find people like this and i already have a couple, down here but i have no desire to try and barely have the motivation to get out to hang out with the two friends i do have here.... which is just very not me, or so i thought.
all this time i've been thinking something must be terribly wrong with me, why am i being reclusive? why dont i want to make a bunch of random friends? why dont i want to get out of the house all the time?
last night i finally realized having people who are close to me, but live far away is like my ultimate utopea. living in a place where i can go anywhere and be sure i'm not going to run into anyone i know and no ones going to randomly know who i am when i buy coffee because they know seth's music or read my blog is AMAZING. i love having that part to my life, which comes into play when we visit san luis and that's about the amount i have the tolerence for. its great to go up north and be known and feel all special slash creeped out. its nice to see good friends and spend time with them. its nice to go out and stay out til 2am. its nice to have lunch with friends or spend time out downtown running into everyone. but its nice for about a weekend. then its nice to come home and enjoy complete anonymity.
i heart being alone.... during the week.
on top of all this i live around NO people who think they have some sort of stake in my life and that is BEYOND wonderful. i like being a grown up with a husband and kids in a town where everyone hasn't know us since we were little. i like being where no one expects anything from us. i like being in a place where people see seth and i equally when they meet us.
our situation is ideal to me at this moment.
who would have thought i could boo radley it? definitely not me.