Wednesday, September 2, 2009

its like they want you to raise your own kids

as most of you know, i do not want to be a stay at home mom.

i have been for the past 3 years because there was no way for me to do anything other than stay home with my little darlings. i am glad that i had that time with arabella and for the time i've had with nola as a baby, but i'm just beyond ready. i can't handle this anymore.

i've been aching to go to school. aching. since one of my friends started to do an online program, i've had it in my head. lately its gone to my heart. i dont know what exactly i'd want to go to school for. i know the things i'm interested in and can kind of see how they come together but really believe that school would help me grow and bring my plans into focus.

i'm really not into doing online school, this would be my last resort, because i NEED to be somewhere separate from my house and i need to have hands on learning, lectures, other people. plus i want to be a part of the world again, i want my own life where i talk to people. people who aren't 3.

if theres anything i regret (which trust me, there is... A LOT) i regret not finishing high school. did you know i didn't finish high school? i feel like its written on my forehead. at the same time i do realize i'm about a billion times more intelligent than a lot of people who do finish high school. i'm just frustrated that i didn't give myself the tools i needed... for life. i'm frustrated that good old mother didn't either. she raised me thinking school didn't matter and i was smart but couldn't really get good grades and didn't really need to. that's all fine and dandy if you never want to do anything with your life, or if you happen to be the exception (like my husband) who somehow does anyway.

the truth is i am smart, could have gotten really good grades, could have done really really well. if someone would have maybe taught me to do that, instead of teaching me NOT to. point is, now i really really want to. i want to get my GED, i want to go to a community college and i want to do something with my life, for myself.

so i've been trying to figure out daycare and seriously, its absolutely ridiculous. if anyone out there knows about things i dont, let me in on it, cause i'm stumped.

i'm pretty sure EVERY person i know who has young kids and has a job or goes to school either has parents who watch them or is single and qualifies for daycare that i dont because of income. (not that i'm complaining about our income...)

then if there is a daycare at a school nola doesn't fit the profile because she's too young. 2 and toilet trained. 2 years and 9 months. ugh.

right now my next move is a job at night. this will only equal out paying for nola to have daycare and daycare and preschool together will still be an expense, not something covered by my extra income... but i think its worth it. its hard because neither seth nor i want to have more time apart... as of right now we've got a couple hours every night where he works but is at least home and then by 930 i'm walking to our room asking if he's coming too. so on one hand more time not with each other will be hard, but at the same time probably wont seem all that different, since we never really hang out now.

i want to do this while i'm still young. while i still am the age where its normal to be in college. itll be weird enough if i'm in college when my sister is (if she goes) but at least (no offense) i wont be 30 and in college... which i guess could still be college age for some people.... but usually they can at least say "i'm 30, i'm in college, but i have been for like a billion years." i dont want to be all "i'm 30, i'm in college, i've been here for a year.... i took a couple years off right out of high school, which i didn't graduate from."

anyway, i want to do it while i'm still young, and while i'm eager to learn.

if i can find a night job this might all get real intense, real soon.

18 comments:

lana bear said...

what about a nanny or baby sitter?

skylana said...

Just as expensive. But I've been thinking about that too.

Erin said...

I'm happy for you. Good for you. I want to do this someday too... the school part... but also I don't want to be 30 and starting college... I'd feel weird. I hope you do it!!!

Patti Jo said...

I have an idea. Sometimes it's just knowing what is out there... Have you ever thought about joining the military? I think you would really like it. Not Active Duty ( full time ) just the Guard or Reserve. You need your GED first. But then you would have to go to boot camp... not trying to scare you, but after you get through all that ( eight weeks )... you go to Tech School for whatever job you get/want ... then its only two weeks a year and one weekend a month. It is a lot in the beginning, but the point I'm getting at is you get the GI bill (38,000.00)and possibly a sign on bonus. You should really look into it... FREE SCHOOL!!!! and a change from your daily bump and grind...if you have any questions just ask. Im not trying to sell you on it, but there are sooooo many plus' and it's only 4 years of your life. I'm getting ready to get out and four years flew by. Just a thought!

skylana said...

.... interesting... but have you ever met me in real life? just.. wondering....

Patti Jo said...

Yes. I went to school with you. You had the biggest crush on Owen.(haha) Given we were very young.... So I know you have changed a ton, look it was just a thought that by the tone... will ONLY be a thought, sorry I bothered. But I must know what you think of the Military??????

skylana said...

haha, i thought we went to school together. i cannot remember owen... AT ALL. what school? you didn't bother... its just hilarious to imagine me in that atmosphere.

the military. the military is weird for me... because i know we need them, in case we have to protect ourselves, but at the same time i dont really believe in war. i mean, i guess if i think its good to defend then that would mean i believe in war at some point... but... i dont feel comfortable with it at all... its a weird thing to me. it doesn't make sense. i can understand that its something we need and i know other people feel super into it, which is good... i could never be a part of it.

i mean when it comes to islamic extremists, i even think "but they are just fighting for what they believe" does that mean i should kill them? i dont know. just because i think i'm right? i'm too gray to be a part of something so black and white.

Patti Jo said...

Valley... in Utah... 4th grade.... anyways, I don't believe in War either... this may sound crrrrazy, but I don't!!! Just because I am in the military doesn't mean I agree. But I don't let it define me. Just because you are a part of something doesn't always mean you believe in it. I know that sounds bad... but I joined for a better life. To see parts of the world I would never and to get an education I knew I would NEVER have if I didn't. I haven't deployed yet. . . But I am a Medic. We are non-combatants. I am actually part of the de-con team. Anyways, my point is I believe in sticking through something if it's going to better me. The military has givin me things I would have never had and brought people into my life that I will never forget. I don't believe in killing anyone ( unless they hurt children .. then I say just put them in the chair and let me flip the switch ) I didn't join because I believed in war. I was actually part of the Honor Guard while I was in...One of the highest honors of my life... The military is NOT all about war.

skylana said...

That's super cool. Wouldn't you have to be away from your kids a lot?

Patti Jo said...

For the first little while yes. And from time to time. I think it's worth it, it would really give your girls something to be proud of. But whatever avenue you choose I wish you luck. I know the Military is NOT for everyone.

Mrs. Warren said...

my husband got his master's degree while i worked full time... so it can be done.
i work a full time job from 2:30-11... he went to school in the mornings, and when it would overlap into late afternoons, we got daycare from like 2 until 4 or 5. we also had family in town that we could depend on for free childcare sometimes.

It's all about time management... so that you minimize your need for daycare.

skylana said...

If we only had one it would seriously be a piece if cake. No problem. Or if we even had a tiny bit of family to watch them... But the problem is just paying for two kids to be watched. That's crazy expensive. Almost $1200 a month for just a few part time days. I know we can figure it out somehow but really the only people I know who have have been people with lower incomes who qualify for free childcare, and people who have parents to help. So we'll see what we can figure out...

meg said...

I'm so happy. you're going to kick ass
What about a home daycare? Usually they're cheaper and they do deals for siblings.

meg said...

I just wanted to say in regards to the military...even if you're in the reserves...the military is in almost every country in the world and we're currently fighting in 2 wars, almost 3 so the possibility of you being shipped out for longer is totally high.

Mrs. Warren said...

yeah -- our daycare was family, in-home, and like i said, our in-laws have totally helped out on top of that. and we only have one child. $1200 a month is outrageous, i can't imagine spending that on daycare.

if i were you skylana, i'd start with a part-time night job so that you didn't have to pay for any daycare... see how/where that goes. then if you want you can also do some online courses to get your GED...

that might be a workable compromise.

stina said...

i babysit for family friends a lot, sometimes according to their work schedules/the parents going on vacation/the mom going out to get nails done/etc.....
and since they're friends and i'm not desperate for money, i charge 10 an hour for two kids, 8 if it's just one of the kids, and if i'm there for a 10 or 12 hour day, i know that adds up so i don't charge if they actually go to sleep for 1-3 hours of a nap.

so maybe you could somehow find someone like that.

skylana said...

Stina- what the hell?!?!!? Ok first of all where do you live, secondly come here and be my nanny. Third of all you should reeeeeeeally charge more... Unless you live in the middle or something.

stina said...

if i lived in la i'd nanny for you! but i'm up north.
i just like helping people and since i've bounced around SO much since high school, whenever i was between the things i was going off to do, i'd live with my family for free and be able to babysit for cheap.
one family only lives 5 or 6 blocks away, one used to live across the street from me, but now they're a 20 minute drive away, but they buy me food and they're the kind of friends my family spends all our holidays with and sometimes i just stay at their house for a few days...
these things worked well when i was working part time in the gym day care, sometimes in school and sometimes not, and when i was in between working seasons at camp or travelling to jamaica.
but i do charge more for new people or ones i don't really know.
if you go to a gym and put your girls in childcare there, i'd suggest being SUPER observant of the girls who work there, eventually chat with them a little, ask their supervisor or manager about their best employees...i think all of the girls i've worked with in the one here end up babysitting for families who come to the gym. but i definitely wouldn't trust some of them with my kids in my home...
but you can always do a trial...if they're open to babysitting, have one or two of them spend a couple hours with you and your girls in the afternoon or something so they can see what you expect and get to know your routines with your girls..
even 12 an hour for 2 kids isn't too bad for you or the person getting the money...and if they love your kids, the money wont matter as much.
or if you start visiting a church closer to you, you can probably ask around and see if there's girls there who babysit. or ask moms at the park or from your daughter's school if they can suggest any good babysitters.

i don't know if you know all these ideas already, but it's just what i've done...