Friday, October 9, 2009

children of alcoholics

i have a question.

i'm not really blogging again but this is the best way for me to contact many people and hopefully find someone with a common experience.

i dont think i know anyone who had or has alcoholic parents, if i do they haven't ever told me.

anyway whenever seth drinks and i dont (so i'm FULLY aware of how he is) i get SUPER freaked out. it has NOTHING to do with him. he's never crazy drunk or even drunk, weird or anything. i feel uncomfortable with him drinking, like i wont be safe if he's drinking... if he gets a buzz and i can tell and i dont have one i start to get massive anxiety and i feel totally unsafe (again, nothing to do with him because he's the same when he drinks, only more fun maybe? ;) haha. the way his eyes look remind me of my moms when she was drunk (i'm sure ANYONE's eyes would remind me of hers when they're drinking but i dont pay attention to other peoples eyes) .... anyway, i just wanted to know if other people who had alcoholic parents dealt with this and how they fixed it or what... i dont want to be paranoid when he drinks and i want to act like i trust him when he's drinking... because inside i do trust him but i dont act like it because i just feel like a little girl again who has no one to take care of them. i just feel alone and afraid even though there's nothing to be afraid of, i'm not alone, i'm safe and he doesn't even actually need to be taking care of me! ha.

anyway if you have had this same thing tell me about it please... if you dont want to write on here you can always email me...


meg said...

my dad was an alcoholic, but he was mean. He wasn't all that loving or affectionate when he wasn't drunk, so it wasn't like I was missing out on that when he was drinking.

When Andy drinks, the only thing I was ever concerned about was him becoming an alcoholic because I never wanted him to drink every night like my dad did...even if it was only one drink.

But now that I don't drink, and he does, there have been times when he's had more than a couple and I get a little worried because I worry that something will happen to me and the baby and he won't be able to help me. I decided I'm strong enough to take care of myself (it took a lot more than just thinking that, it's just the nutshell version of it.)

I know we didn't have the same experience growing up, but there it is.

Erin said...

I really don't like when Lane drinks. I too get anxiety because I feel out of control. And I agree with what Meg said... like if something were to happen to me or the girls he wouldn't be able to take care of us. I know I have a problem with this and that's one of the biggest reasons why I never really drink anymore.

There have been nights where Lane is drinking and I just have to leave and be alone because my anxiety is so crazy. There have been nights where I've been bawling and shaking because I'm scared... why? I don't really know. I guess just because the situation feels out of control and we both know I have issues with that. And then in the morning everything is fine.

I didn't grow up with an alcoholics in my family... but Lane definitely did and that scares me. He's got it in him and I hate that. I don't want him to end up like them.

So I can't say I can totally relate but I kind of can. It's something I deal with and something I can't control.

It's just another control issue.