father

i had a dream about my dad last night. which is weird because i've only ever had one other dream about him in my life, and that time i had prayed for a dream, just so i would have something to think of him in my mind when i talked about him.... in the first dream which was something like 10 years ago i was waiting in a room and everyone was saying 'he's coming, are you ready to meet him?' i was standing back in the dream behind everyone and he walked in, in that very moment i felt a feeling i had never (and still have never until last night) felt in my life... love for a father, the feeling of having a father and knowing that he was perfect and he was the best. he said hi to everyone but me, then sat down and played the piano, i just kept thinking he was perfect... then he came over to me and got down on his knees so he was eye level (cause i was just a little girl) and he just said he loved me and he hugged me and i just cried........

then last night i had a dream that i was somewhere, maybe on a vacation by myself, no seth, no ara and it just started with him and i in this window seat in a hotel that looked out over mountains of snow and beautiful trees, it was dark outside but i could see that.... we just had been sitting and talking for hours and it was so completely natural, we got along perfectly because we were so alike and had everything in common.... i finally said 'i dont understand how you are here, you are dead. are you still dead?' and he said 'yes, but i'm still here i just can't eat or sleep, but i dont need to... i can do everything you can, but no one can see me' and i understood when he said that that it wasn't sad that he was still on earth, it was like his heaven and he got to just enjoy the beautiful places on earth.... then he had to leave and i said i wanted to see him again, i told him seth was going to be gone for two weeks so i would be lonely and he said would come see me every day, he said that i could just call him and he would come anytime. i felt that feeling the whole dream, that love that i can't feel in real life, that i dont understand and i felt so relieved and thankful that there was someone who understood me the way he did, because he was so much like me. in both dreams he looks just like pictures of him in real life. i cant see him as clear as i can see someone in real life, but i know he looks the same.... except he's always wearing really preppy clothes, which is SUPER weird. ha.... anyway the last time i had a dream about him i missed him for months and this time i feel the same way, i just cry cause i miss him and i feel so silly because it was just a dream, and i dont really even know him. i haven't even told anyone that part out loud because i feel so lame for missing someone i've never met....