Monday, September 22, 2008

doubting skylana

me and seth love this song by nickel creek called doubting thomas. we listened to it today and i had to stop myself from crying... cause i hate when i have feelings. but i just relate to it so much... where he says 'i do not feel safe'... i feel that so much of the time and i dont really think i ever could feel safe now. i dont really know how to explain what i'm saying... just that it was so good to feel safe when i believed something, whether it was true or not i didn't care cause i was convinced it was... it may have been false security, but it felt secure. now i dont know how i could ever feel that way. i feel like my eyes were opened to reality or something. reality that we dont know, we never will... and even if we believe as much as we can, we can still never be sure, and that alone makes me feel unsafe... and that's just life, its part of being human. it will always be that way... but somehow i still have something in me that wants to try.. try to find the truth, knowing i will never be sure.

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
You've always kept me safe
Oh me of little faith

2 comments:

The Avilas said...

it's funny that you posted this, because I probably listen to that song once a week or more. I COMPLETELY relate to the song.

-Trav

Sarah said...

i know what you mean. i miss the safety of my faith, too. it was something i could always fall back on. It was like, my identity. My comfort. Idk but it was nice to know some of the answers, ya know? Now that I question everything a lot more and I don't swallow everything that I'm being told, I'm a lot more informed, yes, but now I don't have a default mindset I can look at the world through.

I like those lyrics. I'm gonna go check that song out.