i'm not having more kids. period.
me and seth have gotten in big hypothetical conversations about what we would do if i got pregnant while using two forms of birth control, most likely wont happen, but terrifying none the less.
i can't wait until i can get my tubes tied. that is my only DEFINITE.
so terrifying that i have been having dreams almost every night that i am pregnant. which even lead me to buy a pregnancy test last night... not because i really thought i was pregnant but just to ease my mind. but did it ease my mind?
i dont think so, because last night after watching news about stem cell research... i dreamed that i was doing stem cell research and decided to somehow extract cells from my own uterus. when i looked at these cells they showed that i was pregnant....
then the whole dream was just me trying to decide whether or not to get an abortion like i've said that i would. it was crazy feeling like i only had a few weeks to decide and be sure. flo and erin were telling me not to. i took a walk downtown with bill clinton and he said i should. i woke up before i decided, unbelievably relieved that it was not real and the pregnancy test i took last night was false.
i'm hoping that will at least ease my fears.