Saturday, January 24, 2009

my retired womb.

i'm not having more kids. period.

me and seth have gotten in big hypothetical conversations about what we would do if i got pregnant while using two forms of birth control, most likely wont happen, but terrifying none the less.

i can't wait until i can get my tubes tied. that is my only DEFINITE.

so terrifying that i have been having dreams almost every night that i am pregnant. which even lead me to buy a pregnancy test last night... not because i really thought i was pregnant but just to ease my mind. but did it ease my mind?

i dont think so, because last night after watching news about stem cell research... i dreamed that i was doing stem cell research and decided to somehow extract cells from my own uterus. when i looked at these cells they showed that i was pregnant....

with twins.

then the whole dream was just me trying to decide whether or not to get an abortion like i've said that i would. it was crazy feeling like i only had a few weeks to decide and be sure. flo and erin were telling me not to. i took a walk downtown with bill clinton and he said i should. i woke up before i decided, unbelievably relieved that it was not real and the pregnancy test i took last night was false.

vasectomy please...

i'm hoping that will at least ease my fears.

8 comments:

Marianne Elixir said...

Vasectomy is not 100% because they just snip, and the ends can find each other again, though it is rare.

A tubal does the trick, but it's a major operation than can send you into menopause 5-10 years earlier than your body would otherwise do.

Abstinence is the only guarentee ;)

Do you chart your fertility? That's what we do, and I can know exactly what my body is doing, even when breast-feeding before your cycles come back. The book I have is honoring our cycles.

Your dreams crack me up. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

skylana said...

marriane... oh I KNOW a vas is not 100 that's why it would only EASE my fears. but at least its better odds (which we would still do along with another form of birth control. i dont chart because i'm nursing and totally irregular when i'm nursing. we have a mapped out plan of what contraceptives we will be using until i get my tubes tied (when i'm 30) because its better to do after the age of 30. i dont mind being put into menopause early, its better than more kids for me. and better than no sex! but once i'm done nursing and seth has his vasectomy i will be using the lady comp to 'chart' sill. intense. i would do anything to not have another child. (my aunt got preg after she got her tubes tied) so you can see where i get my fears.

Marianne Elixir said...

My mom did the early menopause thing from her tubal, which I think she got at 30....she was kinda crazy for 5 years (I think it started at 43), and then not interested in sex afterward. Ha! But that might just be her. That's my hope, 'cause I plan on being one of those old ladies who still likes sex.

I had never heard of anyone getting pregnant with their tubes tied! Yikes.

Do you know how to check your cervix? That is the definitive way to know if you are fertile or not - even with breast-feeding and no periods. It might ease your mind if you could learn to find it and check it....

Flo Oakes said...

What?? I didn't even know it was possible to get preg after getting tubes tied. crazy.

Jen said...

i wonder how common it is to get pregnant after having your tubes tied? my future MIL also got preg after having her tubes tied (and 4 kids). she was totally horrified but ended up miscarrying. crazy.

Beth McDermott said...

ok, FIRST of all... HAS OPRAH TAUGHT YOU NOTHING!?!?!? TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS BEFORE YOUVE PUT IT INTO THE UNIVERSE!!!!!,

Second, I always have INSANE and meaningful dreams, some of which come true, and since evidenly you are a dreamer too you need to get obsessed with this website with me

www.dreammoods.com

Pregnant

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.� This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

If you are really pregnant and having this dream, then it represents your anxieties about the pregnancy. �Women in the first trimester of their pregnancy tend to dream of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, dreams will reflect your anxieties about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, dreams consists of your own mother. As your body changes and grows, dreams of whales, elephants and dinosaurs and other larger animals may also start appearing at this stage.

Twins

To see twins in your dream, signifies ambivalence, dualities and opposites. It represents security in business, faithfulness, and contentment with life. It may also mean that you are either in harmony with or in conflict between ideas and decisions.

To see twins fighting in your dream, represents a conflict between the opposites of your psyche. One twin signifies emergence of unconscious material and suppressed feelings, while the other twin represents the conscious mind.� There is some situation that� you are not confronting.

I think your dream just means you are excited about the future!

xo

skylana said...

marianne-- yea my mom had hers done, shes 50 now and still hasnt hit menopause and i think is been mild for all the women in my fam... and my mom is um...unfortunately for her kids, still very much into sex. ... and about the cervix thing although i seem like it cause im all natch and have babies at home but i wouldnt touch my cervix unless death was the alternative. id rather just be mostly completely sure with a vas and the lady comp and if i still got preg id just have to bite the bullet and be sinful.

beth- im about to get rull obsessed with that dream site.

poetix-009 said...

Ask your doc about which vas method he or she uses. My husband's doc snips and cauterizes the tubes, so it is impossible that they'll "find each other" again. It's 99.99% effective. (And that .01% failure rate is mostly people who have unprotected sex during the six week waiting period when there is still sperm in the tubes). Vas is the way to go!