Thursday, June 11, 2009

home

the most home i have ever felt is in the connection from my heart to an others. from my heart to my friends hearts. my friends have always been my family and have always been where i feel at home. like i said earlier this week i'm not quite sure about what is going on with me, there are some specific things that have happened that have tripped out my mind and made my heart ache. i have felt on the defense, like i happen to be a lot and maybe that's why i craved being alone. i dont have to defend myself, against myself. i'll always love me, always think the best of me, always know what's in my heart. now i'm ready to not be alone all the time, but the people i want around me are far. i need some florence in my life, i need a bit of erin lundeen and a heep of mrs. biermann. i need my old friends who know who i am, who love me and bring hope and life into my heart. its hard because i'm not a phone person, neither are the erins and although flo is we miss each other time and time again. i hung out with brook on monday but they practically still live in slo, so there isn't much time to see each other. the only friend i had down here who has known me since i was little is off the friend market right now, which is really a bummer cause i could use that kind of familiarity. my heart feels like a compass that can't find the north. for the first time since i can even remember tonight i really just wanted seth to hug me, hold me and let me cry (if you know me, you know this means something serious). he couldn't though, he had a party in hollywood. so here i am, home alone, which usually i love and tonight i dont. more than anything in the world i want to call up one of my favorite people in the world and have them come over... or all of them. instead, i'm gonna drink some wine, probably cry and watch a movie. its like i really am a girl.

5 comments:

meg said...

I felt so similar tonight. I cried by myself cause I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Mother Hen said...

oh nooooooooooooooooo! I will be home all day tomorrow. We are definitely due for a chat. NEXT MONTH I will see you. For real!
I love you!!!!

Ashley Weis said...

something must have been in the air... read my second post down that i wrote yesterday... weird.

i actually wanted to cry in my husband's arms too, over this friend thing, but he thought i was nuts.

maybe we're just emotional... hormones or something. :)

skylana said...

oh flo... 'mother hen'?? i'm so grossed out in love.

Erin said...

You know where I stand. I was just telling you how there are nights when I cry to Lane because I NEED girlfriends and sometimes they just aren't there... I feel like I don't have any sometimes and I get a little dramatic about it. I love that we have the friendship that we have. We don't have to talk on the phone... when we see each other we don't hug. I love that. Haha. It's balanced. And when we come together and hang out it feels "normal". I love that as well. It sucks that we live hours apart, but maybe someday that'll change... maybe not. I love you.