Tuesday, June 9, 2009

i'm gonna have my 20's


.... i'm going to have my children too.

and i'm going to do it well.

smoking and drinking has the same affect on me that 'worshiping' or 'god' did. i can go out on my balcony with a glass of wine and a cigarette, look at the magnificent hills behind my home and feel the things i felt when i got down on my knees in church. peace, awe, love, hope, freedom, air. no wonder i needed to find god when i was done partying... i had to find something to fill that hole. haha. seriously though....

both these things are chemical highs you get from an outside source, well maybe one is from an inside source... i know some people really think the creator of the universe is interacting with them... and you know what? maybe he is.. but i think its us. we get all emotional and feed off of the atmosphere and create an emotional high that feels like something more. its not, its just our mind, chemicals creating a feeling that we like. the thing is, with smoking and drinking i feel more sober.

i'm glad i've found my new religion.

24 comments:

Elissa Rachael Parrish said...

i'm on my way to my balony to have a cigarette with my wine... loved reading this before going...

the idea that that feeling we used to get in church is "us" and not "him" is hugely depressing to me. if all the power in the universe that is coming from my own soul, than i am worse off than i think...

i guess i'm trying to say i disagree... i think there is a power in the universe and jesus is the only power that is real to me. whether other people find this power in other things, isn't my business... as far as i am concerned there is something out there... and please let it not be me.

mine... and now yours. said...

yes yes yes.

and elissa: i (personally no longer) believe in god, and went through a total phase of being depressed in that all those beautiful feelings i had were a hoax and it "just" came from me. since then ive moved onto LOVING that its ME and that my mind and body can produce chemicals to feel that way. the body/universe/scope of human exsistance is no less without having a creator -- to me, its more.

...maybe people felt these same feelings way back in the day, and without the understanding of science we have today, had to put something to it (god?).

just putting it out there. take it or leave it.

Erin said...

Who woulda thought?? Remember how crazy you were about smoking. You hated it! I like this new Skylana. You are much more relaxed. I think we kind of switched places. I want to be back in that place. The old me/the new you is a much cooler person. Haha.

kmenger said...

I think I need to come over and join you one night haha.

-bobby- said...

...seems like so many people are first afraid of "God" and then we they come to their senses, they are afraid that "God" isn't there at all... I guess the culture of fear isn't manufactured in Washington, D.C. It started in church...

Ashley Weis said...

man, i can barely keep up with your posts! and here i thought you were gonna quit!! good thing...

i agree with elissa, last thing i want is myself to be the center of ANYTHING.

but i am surprised to hear about you smoking, since most of the things i've read so far about you seem to be all for the natural stuff. smoking doesn't seem natural or healthy...

and i need a stress reliever, but i don't know if i'd ever want to smoke. i did that in the past and it did nothing. now, pot on the other hand, that had quite an effect, but i wouldn't touch it now. maybe if i went to canada though... haha, just kidding.

but really, do you just not think of smoking like that? as an unnatural, unhealthy thing? or do you not care about it like that? it seems like it doesn't line up with your eating/cleaning/childbirth values, but maybe i'm wrong... i don't know you that well yet.

skylana said...

Kate, you and I usually agree so I'm not surprised but.. You said exactly what I was thinking. It's nice having someone who gets the whole self thing and that it's not scary or weird.

Ashley... There's a few things I could say about smoking.. 1. I used to smoke like crazy when I was in junior high, I stopped then thought it was the worst thing ever... Then went through small phases of smoking over the years. So even though I've hated it at times, it's just because I've always loved it.
2. I in no way think it's healthy. But I've loosened up a lot about eating healthy etc. I have to say though even if I was still a Nazi about eating well, there are some things you endulge in... Otherwise life is boring.
3. I do smoke cigarettes without additives, at the least ;)

skylana said...

Oh and ashley... If you smoked and it did nothing maybe you weren't inhaling, or maybe it doesn't affect you much.. Seth is that way... I always drink WHILE I smoke... That's the most affective.

Sarah Corbett said...

skylana, you know i couldn't agree with you more!! lately, my peaceful place is outside in the cold with a cigarette. i look forward to it beacuse i know in that moment of time i can let it all go.

Ashley Weis said...

i know a lot of people who drink and smoke and say that's nice...

i definitely was inhaling when i did, but i smoked for the first time when i was 17 and that was after i smoked weed for a year straight at age 14, so after being a pot head... smoking just didn't do it for me.

i always joke with my husband that if pot were legal i'd smoke it, but i wouldn't really... although it's tempting. :)

but smoking in general... i don't know... it's the smell that really gets to me, and the secondhand smoke... plus three people in my family have gotten lung cancer this year... that freaks me out a little too.

Will McCabe said...

I could go for a nice cigar and some Jaminsons neat on occasion!

skylana said...

ashley... yea i smoked a lotta weed in junior high as well... and i can't really recall ever feeling buzzed from cigarettes back then. although i recently learned that my recollection of smoking weed was way off too... so who knows...

all i know now is that smokin cigs helps my buzzie and its good good. as for weed, my first time back was not well received, but i'm gonna take it slower next time. i'm thinking if you tried again, it would NOT be something you would be interested in....

will, i was thinking yesterday that i should take up cigar or pipe smoking instead of cigarettes... at least for the nightly basis. definitely cigarettes for going out... i LOVE btw that you are a conservative person that is ok with alcohol (alcohol that's not wine ;)

Ashley Weis said...

hey, have you ever tried cloves or that other stuff that you smoke that is flavored? i really have no idea what its called but my husband used to smoke it and i don't think it's as bad for you as ciggies.

skylana said...

i LOVE cloves, but they are actually worse for you and i dont know what flavored stuff you are talking about....

Ashley Weis said...

yeah, you're right, it is worse, and my husband said what he smoked was huka or something like that... but i think it's just as bad as cigs. guess if you're gonna smoke something it's just not gonna be good, haha. they should invent something.

skylana said...

ah hookah... thats funny because i was just going to say what we really should all be doing is smoking the hookah together!

Elissa Rachael Parrish said...

all this talk of smoking makes me want one... the amount of cigarettes that i smoke is so small that i don't even think of the health issue. i go through phases and in between i will go a month without having one. i think it's a stupid gross habit to be addicted to, but i think that being a bitter person that never gets a buzz and hates her life and kids and husband because of it, is worse... how happy it and some tequila makes me is worth it... sometimes it's just picking the best of two not so great things...

JessicaToday said...

oh i am cracking up with that last one skylana. this is a comment i can get behind.
p.s. i emailed u...

Flo Oakes said...

Josh and I spent our anniversary weekend in Asheville eating tons of food and then smoking whilst walking off our dinner/margaritas. It was excellent.

Mrs Cov said...

I just have to comment...I really can't stand smoking. Both of my parents smoke...totally addicted. My grandma died with only half a lung..which too had cancer. I think it is a dangerous thing to do occasionally...I have never smoked so I can't speak from any experience just growing up around it. I hate to be the downer but I just feel so strongly against it...I can't make myself shut up about it.

Flo Oakes said...

Sorry guys.... but if people are concerned about cancer, OCCASIONAL smoking is no more dangerous than eating french fries..particularly because of the frequency with which we eat them and let our kids have them.

I've read the research. Learned about it in my childbirth class.
Still we eat them some times.

Actually ANY starch (chips too) cooked at a high temperature releases the carcinogen acrylamide.

http://www.drgreene.com/21_978.html

http://www.cspinet.org/new/200206251.html

"The amount of acrylamide in a large order of fast-food French fries is at least 300 times more than what the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency allows in a glass of water. Acrylamide is sometimes used in water-treatment facilities."

Scary.

skylana said...

thank you flo, for clearing up my chapped ass situation for me.

Emery Jo said...

i used to hate smoking too, but then when I got pregnant I suddenly LOVED the smell of cigarettes. I've found that I much prefer smelling other people smoke them though. Whenever I smoke one myself I get grossed out. Oh, but I do love cloves every now and again. Mmmmm.

skylana said...

emy jo... that's super funny... i get really really annoyed if seths second hand gets on me.. and he's like 'uh.. you're already smoking' but i HATE second hand smoke and the way it smells... that is of course unless its cigars, pipes or cloves... that smell and second hand smoke can invade me. i love it.