Tuesday, June 23, 2009

in hiding



this is where i am.

shaded by thick green leaves, wrapped tightly in a safe warm chamber.
leaving my sharp exterior for soft colorful wings.

****************

i've been shedding my skin, becoming full on people, on life, on freedom.
i've been overindulging in everything i can get my hands on, i've been ravaging like a hungry caterpillar. my mind became full, my heart, my senses, everything ready to burst at the seems.

instead of bursting i climed to a safe place and spun a silken gold chrysalis around me.

hiding is peaceful.

i feel myself inside this place now, calm and waiting. i know i'm changing, that was never in question. barely breathing, barely moving, hardly thinking.

i'm just waiting.

although i know this is essential, it differs from anything i have known.
i have been convinced i needed to fight it. i realize now i dont.

this isn't defense. this is metimorphisis.

i can't possibly know what will break out of this cocoon, it remains unclear to me. i'm starting to be ok with that. being so comfortable in change has never been familiar to me and it made me unsettled, i understand that this was supposed to be.

i'm finding comfort in knowing that not everyone knows what is going on inside my safe home, while i change.

this change is mine, i am mine.

4 comments:

JessicaToday said...

beautiful.

Ashley Weis said...

this is beautiful, skylana, as is your heart.

i feel the same, sort of. except my change is more like a nervous breakdown, like a perpetual caterpillar who may never, ever turn into a butterfly and flap its way through the world.

actually... i feel like a butterfly who turned back into a caterpillar and can't escape the sticky cocoon, but i want to fly again.

matthew said...

umm..you probably don't care, but the title and the last line....in hiding, and i am mine, are the titles to two really cool pearl jam songs. made my day.

meg said...

so good to hear. can't wait to see you this summer and finally get to talk to you like a real person instead on just on the internet.