Tuesday, November 25, 2008

sinking heart.

hopefully this doesn't send shock waves around the world.

if it does, its worth it.

i just watched the SADDEST birth i have ever seen. it was the woman's third child, she went in to get induced, she got induced, he came and checked her, she was 5cm... he told her he was gonna break her water... then laughed and said 'oh, is that ok with you?' ... he broke her water and then gave her pitocin. she was in absolutely no pain. she kept saying she wasn't in pain and she was afraid that she wasn't gonna get the epidural soon enough and she might feel a little 'uncomfortable'. her contractions never started hurting... she got an epidural. he checked her after a bit, still she just laid there like NOTHING was going on....she felt like she needed to push but she said 'oh i'm probably wrong' and the nurse said 'most likely if you feel you have to, you're ready' the doctor came, she was 10cm... he told her he was going to turn the epidural off and she just kept whining about how she didn't want to feel one little bit of pain and that when she pushed it better come out really fast. she pushed and when she did the nurse had to tell her how to push and for how long and the baby was out fast. she mentioned how she has never tried to have a natural birth because she's always been to afraid to even feel the pain. i can't even believe that someone could have given birth to three kids and has never even felt what labor is like! that's so outrageous.

there are so many things about this that make me sooooo sad. sad that she doesn't see herself as strong enough to bear that pain and overcome it. sad that she doesn't trust her body or herself enough to listen to what its telling her and do it. she has no idea what she's missing out on and all she cared about was getting the baby out without every feeling any part of the experience. it was just sooooo insane to see a birth completely run by the doctor. everything she did was because the doctor said, the whole experience was just like if you went to the doctor and laid in a bed while they poked and prodded you except in the end a baby came out. seeing the way the doctor treated her was so foreign to me. he wasn't mean, he was totally nice, just so business. this is his job, but that's all he treated like. there was no heart, no relationship in what happened in that room. it was a medical procedure that she was having done to her. she never got up, never moved, never felt a contraction, didn't know how to push for herself.... i dont understand how this is looked at as normal?!!? she said when she was getting the epidural 'in no other situation would i do this, but i'm having a baby, so i need it'... talking about in no other circumstance would she take drugs like that... so what i dont get is why would the one time you see fit to do it be the one time there's a baby living inside you? and i just feel so sad that she thinks she needs it. women are strong, women are made to birth babies and our bodies are amazing. they do it and they do it better than anything, with strength and grace... but she doesn't know that her body can do that, no one told her she could.. no one believed for her that she could.

i'm sooooo thankful i had people around me to encourage me that i could do this, that i was strong and i didn't have to be afraid... i'm so thankful i had an army of people who loved me and believed in me and lifted me up when i felt broken and pushed me through... i'm so thankful that now i truly know what i am capable of and that i have accomplished one of the greatest things you can in life... i allowed my body to birth my children. i didn't let a doctor run my birth, i didn't let drugs artificially make my body do the work, and i wasn't absent from the experience... and because of those things my life was changed through those births. it makes me so sad when women dont get to experience this, or willingly choose not to. they'll never know what they've missed.

10 comments:

sufferingsummer said...

A-MEN

Shan said...

i totally agree...i mean, don't get me wrong, after giving birth to my 2 girls naturally, i'm not gonna say that i wasn't wanting to change my mind at the very end...but, by that time the "worst" of it was almost over. i'm so glad that i experienced every second of it & i can't imagine going through labor/childbirth without even attempting to do it naturally (i think i feel closer to my kids because of the whole experience). it is very sad that no one told her she could do it.

Andrea June said...

That is the saddest thing I've ever heard! Good job, Skylana, for being strong and having those babies the way God made us to!!!
By the way, I ran into your hubby at Starbucks the other day...so cool to see your family bouncing around Atascadero!

kimberlea said...

can you give birth in a hospital without it feeling like a big medical procedure? i'm not pregnant, or married or anywhere close to starting a family. but reading your blog has made me think i could give birth naturally when the time comes
(an idea i never even considered). my mom had my siblings and i naturally but not on purpose...she wanted an epidural but things went too fast for that. i like the idea of a midwife, it just seems like a much more personal experience. i know and understand why you gave birth to your girls naturally but what made you decide to have them at home? just curious and trying to think through all of this.

Erin said...

I just wanted to say that I was watching "A Baby Story" recently and the woman had had an epidural. And when she was 10 cm the doctor came in and said, "Alright, you're ready to push. Let's do this in a calm and collected manner... no screaming or anything, ok?" UMMM... crazy!!! If the Dr. had said that to me while I was pushing Faye out I would have kicked him in the face. I watch these shows and understand why you feel the way you do. And I agree with what you said in the your last paragraph. I'm glad I had people I loved there to help me through. Childbirth is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I know I needed the love and support of all of them to get me through. And natural childbirth is possible and I believe women are totally capable. I'm all about it now. Boo-yah.

The Avilas said...

I don't normally get in on these conversations, but I feel like I had to. I love my son. I wouldn't change a thing about my labor. I was totally present and was able to enjoy the process. I was amazed at what my body could do.

And I had an epidural. Don't think that makes me crazy or like I didn't accomplish anything. That doesn't make me weak. I still pushed a baby out of me. I was still pregnant for 9 months, sick for most of it. My son is healthy, happy and in love with his mommy. I do get kinda tired of people thinking that epidurals are the easy way out. We still have to carry the baby and bring it into the world. There is nothing easy about that.

Ok. I am done.

skylana said...

kimberlea- yes you can. erin did. and a lot of other women i know have. but if you want to have a natural childbirth you have to KNOW what you want, why you want it and you HAVE to have people who will support you and when you want to get drugs, because you will want to... we all do at one point, will remind you of all the reasons why you dont and help you push through it. there is a chance that it could happen so fast you'll get a natural birth without even trying, but its smart to have the info and the support you need in case its not. i decided to have them at home because i started to see what a challenge it was going to be for me to have a natural birth at the hospital, just statistically etc, and while i knew that if i fought for it i could have it, i didn't want it to be a struggle. i wanted to know that all who were around me wanted the same thing i did, so i could birth in complete peace, with no pressure to do anything i didn't want to (which with ara was a really good decision because with the kind of birth i had with her at the hospital they surely would have wanted to give me pitocin and after that i'd most likely want an epidural). plus after going to visit my friend at her home right after she had her baby i saw how peaceful it was there and i thought 'wow, it must be so nice that she just gets to be in her own bed right now without any other patients in her room' that part was just my preference, i'm not a big fan of the hospital. i believe that for a normal low risk pregnancy a home birth is safer based on all research i've done, so that was the main reason i chose it. people often think that if something goes wrong its bad to not be at the hospital, but if you talk to good midwives you'll understand the process and why it all makes sense ;) i hope you do look more and more into all of this cause its really interesting and someday you'll be able to make an educated decision on the birth you want!

Amanda said...

Midwives are not allowed in missouri. I would have loved to have had some encouragement while I was in labor. When you are in labor you seem to forget what you really wanted. It would have been nice to have some people cheering for me. Telling me that I could do it. I had to have pitocin and I did give in and get the IV drug and the nurse was trying to pressure me into getting the epidural. I kept saying NO I don't want it. I didn't end up getting it because things happen quickly. My husband is a good coach but he hated seeing me in pain. I think that next time(if there is a next time) I will fly you out and you can be my encourger(is that a word?) .

skylana said...

amanda- woo hoo! yea fly me out! i'd be all about that ;)

Jillian said...

I had my kids in a hospital too...I chose to have them without epi's because I wanted to. I do feel a stronger sense of strength towards those who have done it naturally, but that doesn't mean I think epi's are weak, I just got really lucky. With my son I almost caved at the last minute but my mom was my strength and pushed me through since she knew I wanted to try it naturally. Then when I had my twins 6 months ago I actually had a natural epi...seriously I barely felt any pressure for the contractions...and I was told at my dr appt I was 6cm already...I made it to 9cm without much of any pain...then when it came time to push all the pressure and pain came but it was only for 16min...8min a baby...so for that birth I thank my body : )
I think whatever way you do it...you are a stud to have carried a baby and brought it into this world! In the end it is ultimately up to you how you do it!